Moments
by gizzymoon
Summary: A series of one shots that will explore the five years between Chapter 10 and the epilogue of Coming to Terms.
1. Everybody Leaves

It was almost funny, the little ways he'd managed to insinuate himself into her life, into her personal space. Yet here it was staring at her so blatantly that it puzzled her that she hadn't noticed it before.

Sure there were little things that said she occasionally occupied her space with another person - an extra toothbrush in the bathroom, manly shampoo sitting beside her more feminine variety, a second coffee cup in the drainer. But somehow those things didn't seem so personal. Anyone could have left those things there. They were unspecific, generic in a way that managed to slip past her radar. But this, this was all Rick Castle. It was almost a calling card, a piece of himself, settled into its own little place in her apartment that said he intended to be a permanent fixture in her life.

His notepad and pen stared back at her from its newly acquired spot in her nightstand and it looked innocent enough. It seemed unobtrusive and nonthreatening.

But it wasn't. It was a symbol. A symbol of the normalcy of it all.

The first few weeks they were together, really together, every spare second was spent in each other's arms. They spent every moment away from work together. They were just so comfortable with each other. In every one of her previous relationships, well before the one month mark, she was looking for some alone time, some quiet time to herself. But with Rick, she was so comfortable it was like she was alone even when he was in the room with her. She could just be herself even when he was there. There was no burden of pretending or maintaining her normal walls and boundaries while he was there. She didn't feel the need to be anything other than exactly who she was in his presence and that was nice. It was freeing on a level she hadn't expected.

His carefully composed words were scrawled across the paper she was staring at and it reminded her of the night before. It was the first night since their new relationship began that they hadn't made love. That fact, in itself, had bothered her a little. It wasn't that she was a sex crazed maniac, although, at times, he made her feel that way. No, again, it was the symbolism of it. They spent the night pouring over the details of their latest case. She had cooked dinner. He had helped her with the dishes. They had cuddled on her sofa to watch the news. Then they had gone to bed.

She remembered watching him sitting with his back against the headboard while he scribbled on the pad of paper she was now staring at until she finally drifted off to sleep.

It was all so normal, so routine and mundane. It scared the hell out of her.

It shouldn't. She knew that. There was nothing to be afraid of. She loved him. She admitted that freely, without pause. He loved her, too. He made sure to tell her a hundred times a day.

There was absolutely no sane reason for her to be afraid of this thing between them. It didn't make sense.

She wanted to talk to him about it. She wanted to explain what she was feeling to him, but there were no words she knew to describe the ever present fear that loomed in the back of her mind.

Was she afraid that all this wouldn't last? Did she doubt his feelings for her were as real as he claimed them to be? That couldn't be it. She trusted him with her life. She had never felt so much for another person, never completely invested herself in anyone else.

Then suddenly she understood. She wasn't afraid because he was there. She was afraid that one day, somehow she would lose him and she knew deep down in her soul that she would never survive that.

How could you survive losing the part of you that makes you whole?

For so long she fought against this thing between them. For so long she threw up every wall, every barrier she could manage to keep him at arm's length. And that was why. She knew that now. Everybody leaves eventually and she was afraid of being apart of anything she wouldn't be able to walk away from. And now that she had him, she knew with absolute certainty that she would never, ever be able to walk away from him.

He was a part of her, such a large part that she couldn't believe she had spent most of her life without him. How had she managed to get by? How had she not felt handicapped without him beside her?

A hand eased over her shoulder and she jerked in response, surprised that she hadn't heard his approach.

"I thought you were just grabbing some batteries for the remote," he said. "Did you get lost?"

She shook her head, trying to clear it of the worries that plagued her. "I guess I zoned out," she offered lamely in way of an excuse.

She grabbed the batteries from beside the notepad and shut the drawer to the nightstand.

She turned and found him close enough that she was suddenly in his arms. In fact, they were the only things that kept her from stumbling over his sudden nearness. "Those looked like some pretty deep thoughts. Care to share with the class?"

She shook her head as her arms laced around his shoulders. "It was nothing, really."

He kissed her lightly and gave her a smile. "Alright, I'll let it go, but remember you promised."

He was right, she had promised. She had been laying in his arms, this new aspect of their relationship a mere few hours old, when their normal chatter had taken on a much more serious tone. They talked about their past, about things that both of them had done to sabotage their previous relationships. And they made promises to each other. One of those promises was that she wouldn't keep things to herself. She told him that if something was bothering her, she would tell him, up front and honestly so they could deal with it together. She had never made that kind of promise to anyone before and now she wasn't sure she hadn't made a mistake. She didn't know if it was a promise she could keep. Natural instinct for her was to deal with things on her own.

It was hours later, lying in his arms, chests still heaving breathlessly from their recent exertion that she finally got the nerve to try to explain.

This was how she did this. He knew that, too. In fact, she was pretty certain he only let her feeble explanation at the time go, because he knew she was waiting for this.

The darkness gave her an added sense of courage and it was here that she felt most comfortable opening up about her feelings.

He had rolled to his back beside her. Both of them were covered in a sheen of sweat that said this was going to be one of those shower at night and in the morning kind of days. That seemed to be the way of things with them. She had never been so clean in her life. At night, first she would take her ritual bath, then he would follow with a shower. Then most mornings, they shared a shower.

"Rick," she ventured, rolling towards him and molding her body to his side.

He bent his head to lay a kiss to the top of hers in way of a response.

"Earlier when I went looking for the batteries," she paused to lick her suddenly dry lips. "I found your notepad in the drawer."

"I can move it if it bothers you being there," he offered. "I keep one around wherever I spend any amount of time. I never know when inspiration will strike."

"I know." She nodded into the crook of his shoulder where her head had found a comfortable home. "I don't mind that it's there."

"Then what is it bothered you?" he asked, shifting a little further down in the bed and turning so that he was facing her.

She paused and tried to pull her thoughts into some semblance of order. "I don't know really. I just opened the drawer and there it was and it was so you. Like a piece of you had found a home in my apartment."

"I've left other things here, my toothbrush and razor, my coffee cup. I can take them all home if you like. It was just more convenient since we've been spending almost as much time here as we do my place. But if you aren't ready for my things to be here, consider them gone."

She smiled because she couldn't help it. He had to be the most understanding, patient man in the world and she had no idea what she had done to deserve him. "I don't want them gone. You're right, it's more convenient. It would be awful to have to get up an hour earlier just so you could go home to get ready for work. Beside," She snuggled a little deeper into his chest. "I really look forward to our morning shower. It's almost as good as coffee." He chuckled in response and kissed the tip of her nose affectionately. "And all the other things haven't bothered me. I'm not even really sure why the notepad did."

He cleared his throat as if he were afraid his next words might cause an argument or at least upset her and she braced herself for them. "I have noticed that you don't leave things at my place. You just carry your stuff around in that little bag. Why is that?"

She squirmed a little. "I didn't want you to feel like I was intruding into your life." It was the excuse she had used on herself the many times she'd considered leaving things at his place.

He chuckled again. "I'm sorry, Detective, I'm going to have to call a 'bullshit' on that one. You know very well that I wouldn't feel the least bit intruded upon by having your things scattered around my bathroom."

She had known the minute the words left her mouth that he wouldn't buy them. "Okay, so maybe I'm not sure exactly why I haven't left things at your place."

"Okay, that I'll buy. I completely believe that you do a great many things without understanding the meaning behind them. So, let's figure it out together."

She nodded, then immediately closed her eyes to once again try to bring her thoughts into some form of order. One thing stood out to her, a memory. Two of them actually. One was of the last time she spoke to Demming. The other was the last time she spoke to Josh. "They didn't have to come back to pack their things," she mumbled as realization suddenly dawned on her.

"Who?" he asked.

"Tom and Josh."

He grew suddenly still and quiet beside her and she immediately wished there was more light in the room so she could judge his expression, see his reaction.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I didn't mean to bring them up. If you don't want to talk about them, I understand."

"It isn't them I have a problem with. They aren't here any more. I am. That's all that matters to me. It's the fact that you still believe that at some point I'll have to come and pack up my stuff that bothers me," he explained.

Again, he was the most understanding man in the world. He knew and accepted the fact that they hadn't been born the night they began their relationship. He realized that they both had pasts and he didn't seem to have a problem with discussing those pasts. Most men would feel at least a little threatened by talking about their girlfriend's ex-lovers.

"I'm sorry. I can't help thinking like that," she answered.

"Why? I've already told you, I'm not going anywhere. Not ever. I'm in this for keeps."

The words, something of a mantra for her since the passing of her mother, sprang to her mind and she couldn't help the sting of tears in her eyes that the simple statement invoked. "Everybody leaves," she muttered quietly as she stared off into the distance, concentrating on a spot somewhere over his shoulder.

He pulled her face back to his and made her meet his eyes. Even in the extremely dim lighting she could see the fierce determination in their shining, blue depths. "Not me."

She wanted to believe that, but her history had always proven otherwise. Her mother, Royce, Tom, Josh, the list went on and on. Even her father had more or less checked out on her after her mother's death.

She swallowed and licked her lips. "There was this woman. She and her boyfriend had broken up. She went to his place to get some of her things. They got into an argument over a CD, Fleetwood Mac's _Rumors_ CD, to be exact. He claimed it was his. She said it was hers, it got pretty heated. She slapped him and in response, he shoved her away. She fell into a glass coffee table and it killed her. That was my first homicide case."

"Kate," he chuckled. "I promise you, I will not kill you over a CD, especially that one. If it belongs to either of us, it has to be you. I don't even like Fleetwood Mac."

She punched his shoulder playfully and he pretended like it hurt, just like he was suppose to. "Its, just that, you see it in movies all the time – the heartbreaking scene where one half of the couple is packing

up their things and moving out." She shook her head. "I don't do heartbreaking scenes."

"That isn't going to happen with us. You have to believe me," he insisted.

"How can you be so sure?"

He sighed and gave her a sad sort of smile. "How can you not be?"

The question hung in the air between them for a while, like the words were hovering just over their heads. "I wish I could believe in us the way you do," she told him, finally.

"I wish you could, too. What do I have to do to convince you? Tell me what to say and I'll say it."

"There aren't any magic words. I can't make the voices in my head stop telling me that this is all too good to be true," she answered, ruefully.

"Ignore them," he announced. "They're stupid voices and they don't know what they're talking about."

She smiled. "I wish it were that easy for me."

"You know, I have those voices, too," he said suddenly, to her surprise. "I just keep waiting for the day that you'll decide this was all a huge mistake. It's like a giant anvil hanging over my head. I keep pretending like it's not there. Then I catch you lost in thought like I did earlier and I can't help but think, 'This is it'. The next words out of her mouth are going to be "we have to talk" and this will all be over."

She touched his cheek, softly rubbing her knuckles across his slightly abrasive skin where the first signs of stubble were beginning to appear. "I didn't know you felt that way. You always seem so sure about all this."

"I am sure. I'm completely sure about how I feel about you. But sometimes I wonder how long it will take you to talk yourself out of this."

"You think that's what I'm going to do?" She wasn't angry. She wasn't sure why she wasn't. If anyone else had said something like that to her, she would have been. Maybe it was because of the truth behind his words. She did talk herself out of just being happy. Doubts and fear always intruded sooner or later.

He shrugged. "I can't help but wonder."

"I told you before, I'm terrible at telling people how I really feel. I know I don't always show it or say it, but I never want you to feel like this is a temporary thing for me. It isn't like that. I love you. And I mean that like I've never meant it before."

He smiled again. "I know and I love you, too." He shifted like he was afraid he was about to say something that was going to make her mad again. And again, she braced herself for it and was determined to hear him out without judging or jumping to conclusions before he was finished. That was one of the things they had promised as well.

This was sacred. When they talked like this in the dark, in the middle of the night, they agreed that they could say anything they needed to say to each other. She had every intention of holding to that promise.

"I wish I knew how to make you trust us," he said after a long pause.

"I'm not sure there is anything you can do. Maybe I just need time," she answered.

"What was the longest relationship you've ever been in?"

"Nine months," she told him a bit ashamed of her answer. Apparently she wasn't a long term kind of girl.

"Really?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yes, really."

"Did you trust him? Was there finally a point in those nine months that you decided it wasn't going to end?"

She thought about that, really considering her answer. Then finally she nodded. "Nope. I always knew it wouldn't last. I tried to pretend. But it was always there, hanging over our heads like an omen. Maybe that was why it ended. Another time that I sabotaged myself."

His face took on a pained expression in the near darkness and he suddenly leaned forward and place a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I'm so sorry, Kate."

"For what, you didn't do anything."

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get here, to find you. I'm sorry for all you had to go through while you were waiting on me," he tried to explain.

"Rick," she sighed, drawing nearer to him at the same time. She was touched by his words and something in her couldn't help but see his logic. She really did feel like she'd been waiting her whole life for him.

Why couldn't she just let herself go with that feeling? It wasn't something she'd ever felt before. Maybe for the first time one of his crazy theories was right. Maybe they had been searching for each other all their lives. Maybe this time things would be different because he was him and she was her and all the other times hadn't lasted because they weren't right but _they were_. She desperately wanted to believe that. She couldn't imagine not having him by her side anymore.

That was something new, too. She had never been so involved with anyone else that she couldn't picture a life without them. Rick Castle had changed her. He made her see a side of herself that she had forgotten even existed, a side that believed in things like magic and happily ever after.

"Maybe," she began, but had to pause to clear her throat, to try to dislodge the lump that had suddenly formed there. "Maybe tomorrow we should stay at your place."

"Okay," he agreed. "Whatever you want."

"Maybe while I'm there I could get around to unpacking that bag."

He grew quiet and still again, almost like he was waiting for her to change her mind. When she didn't add anything else, he sighed into her hair again. "I would really like that."

"You are so patient with me. Thank you for that," she told him, snuggling into him a little further.

"Always," he whispered in reply. "I'm willing to do whatever I have to do, be whatever you need me to be to keep you in my life."

She pulled away so she could see his face and used the tip of her finger to trace his cheekbone once again. "When does it get to be your turn to get what you need?" she wanted to know suddenly.

He pulled her in again, holding her tightly. "You are what I need. You're everything I need."

"God, I love you."

"I love you, too," he answered after kissing her soundly.

She spent the next morning thinking about the night ahead and what it mean to her, to them. She found herself distracted by the thoughts frequently throughout the day. It was a big step for her, but it was a step in the right direction, she told herself over and over again.

She managed to slip away from him while he went to have lunch with his daughter and mother. He invited her along and she'd lied to him, told him she had plans of her own. She didn't like that, but she assured herself it was for the greater good. She wanted to surprise him. She wanted to make a statement, a big one about how she felt about him, about them.

She wasn't disappointed when at the end of the day, after parking her car in his garage, she popped her truck and went about retrieving the bags she'd spent her lunch hour packing. It wasn't a lot of stuff. But there were things in the bags that she would never dream of just walking away from. She hoped he appreciated the gestured, understood the depth of its meaning.

He watched in stunned silence as she went about unloading the things from the trunk, then seemed to shake himself physically before coming over to help her.

When they reached his loft he was grinning like an idiot. "You didn't have to do all this," he told her once they were inside and he'd found a place to set down his burden before helping with hers.

"Yes, I did," she answered on the tail end of a deep breath.

Once her bags were sitting scattered around his foyer, he came to her and pulled her into his arms. "I noticed we aren't on rotation next week end."

"No, we aren't," she confirmed. "Why? Do we have plans?"

Something crossed his face she wasn't sure of. It really looked to her like wonder and she couldn't imagine what she'd said to inspire the look.

"What?" she finally asked, when he just continued to hold her and stare.

"You just surprised me, I guess."

"How? What did I say?"

"It wasn't what you said. It was how you said it," he explained. "It was like it was an expected thing. Not, do you have plans, but do we have plans."

"I'm sorry," she backpedaled, still not really sure of his expression. "I didn't mean to assume. Of course, if you have plans I understand."

He chuckled, and made a face that said she was being ridiculous. "Of course I don't have plans that don't include you. Don't be silly," he told her. "It's just nice to know that in your mind we are finally a 'we' instead of a 'you' and 'I'. If you know what I mean."

She smiled at him, completely understanding what he was saying. Somehow, despite herself, in her mind they really had become a couple. Not separate entities that made separate plans, but one couple that did things together. No longer just a 'her' and a 'him', now they were a 'them'.

"Let me ask something, just to see what you think?" he asked and she nodded in agreement. "What do you think of us spending a couple of weeks this summer at my place in the Hamptons. I know you have some vacation time coming."

"I think that would be nice," she told him without even thinking about it. "But what does that have to do with this weekend?"

His smile broadened even more. "You just agreed to do something six months from now with me."

She licked her lips as she thought about that. She really had. She hadn't even hesitated. And what was more, she really believed it would happen, she was looking forward to it even. She hadn't just agreed out-of-hand, thinking the whole time that it would never come to fruition like she normally did. She fully expected that in six months she would be laying on the deck of his beach house working on her tan with him right beside her.

"I guess I did. But I still don't see what any of that has to do with this coming weekend."

He paused this time, swallowing hard as his face took on a much more serious expression. "I know all this," he gestured around to the bags around them, "was a huge deal for you and it means the world to me. And if this is too much, too soon, just say it and we can pretend I never asked."

She punched his shoulder. "Would you just say it already? God, you act like you're about to ask me to marry you."

The smile creep back to his face for a moment and it clearly shouted, 'not yet' to her. Then the seriousness returned and she wondered if she might have imagined the smile and its hidden meaning. "I was thinking that maybe next weekend we might just go ahead and bring the rest of your things over here. If you want to, that is."

She blinked at him for a moment, stunned. It was something else she'd never done before. She had never lived with anyone.

"Like I said, we can just pretend I never asked if it's too soon. I understand." He obviously misread her surprise for hesitation and he was trying to make it right before too much damage was done.

"No," she said.

His face fell and she realized that again he had misunderstood her.

"No, I mean yes," she tried to clarify. "I'm sorry." She shook her head. "You caught me a little off guard. I wasn't expecting you to ask me to move in with you."

"So, was that a no or a yes? I'm a little confused."

"It was a no, it isn't too much or too soon," she answered, not even believing the words that were leaving her mouth, but she couldn't seem to stop them.

"Then it was a yes?"

"I think so," she agreed, still surprised herself.

"Okay, let me make sure I'm understanding. I'm asking you to move in with me and you're saying yes?" he asked.

"I think so." she said again.

A sudden squeal erupted from the direction of the kitchen immediately followed by Alexis barreling into the room and throwing her arms around both of them excitedly.

"I'm sorry. I swear I wasn't eavesdropping. I was just walking by and I heard," she gushed.

Kate glanced back towards the kitchen doorway and found Rick's mother, Martha leaning against the jamb smiling brightly.

"I guess we have reason to celebrate," the older woman said as she raised her glass at them in salute.

"I guess we do," Kate smiled in return. "If it's okay with both of you, of course."

Martha laughed. "Okay with us? My dear, we've been looking forward to this for a while now. All Alexis and I have to say on the matter is, Welcome to the family."


	2. Maybe, baby

**A/N: The site isn't letting me respond to reviews. I'm sorry for that. If you take the time to say you like it, I always like to take the time to say thanks. So I'm saying it here instead. Thank you all the reviews and especially the author alerts. Those are particually nice. Love to you all. And now I'll shut up. **

Fear pumped through his veins like it was his very blood as he sprinted from the cab and hauled himself up the front steps that lead to the hospital.

He stumbled through the door in his impatience but quickly righted himself and ignored the pain in his foot from where he'd stubbed his toe on the door frame. All that matter was getting to her.

His chest burned with the exertion he'd put it through since leaving the television studio where he'd been taping an interview, what seemed like hours ago.

He'd barely gotten back to the green room backstage when he thumbed on his phone. It was ringing almost before it made it completely on. Somehow sensing the urgency of the call, he'd answered without even bothering to see who was calling.  
>"Castle, it's Beckett," Ryan had immediately said after hearing him answer. "It's pretty bad. You need to get down here A.S.A.P. "<p>

His heart had completely stopped at that point, no longer able to draw blood through his body and everything inside him turned to ice in an instant.

It was the call he had always known might be lurking around the corner. He had woken so many times in a cold sweat at hearing those words in his nightmares. _It's Beckett. It's pretty bad._

Losing her was something unimaginable for him. But he was practical enough to know that it came with the job. Sometimes things went wrong.

He cursed himself for taking the day off to do the publicity interview for his newest novel. The novel didn't matter. The ridiculous interview hadn't been important enough to leave her alone. It was his fault this had happened, his fault because he hadn't been there to watch her back. He had broken his promise. He'd let her down and he hadn't even had a good reason for doing it.

His eyes searched through the waiting room outside the E.R. looking for a familiar face, when he found one, he nearly ran to get to it.

Javier Esposito stepped up to him and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Calm now," he told him at seeing his panic. "It's not as bad as we thought at first."

"How bad is it?"Castle demanded, deeming that even a scratch was worse than he wanted to hear about. "What happened?"

Ryan stepped to his other side. "I'm sorry, Man. I saw all the blood and I panicked." His face was drawn with worry, whatever had happened it had obviously spooked the detective.

Esposito shot him a look that said he was annoyed by his partner's jumping the gun the way he had.

"She got clipped. But it's just her side. Didn't hit anything vital. They aren't even sure why she lost consciousness. The doctors are patching her up and running some tests." Javier explained patiently.

"She passed out? That doesn't sound like Kate," he commented quietly as the adrenaline began to ease from his body.

"I know," Ryan interjected. "That's why I panicked."

Rick rested his hand on his shoulder and tried to muster a smile for him. "It's okay. I understand. I'm sure if I'd been there, I would have panicked, too," he told him. Actually if he had been there, he would have thrown himself in front of the bullet rather than let her take it, no matter how small the injury might have been.

He wasn't blaming Ryan or Esposito. He was sure they had done everything in their power to keep her safe. But he was her partner. He was more than that. He was the man that would do anything, absolutely anything to keep her safe and protected. He didn't expect them to go to the length he'd go to. Neither of them were in love with her like he was. Love had a way of turning normal humans into superheroes.

"Is one of you Rick Castle?"

Castle spun around to acknowledge the nurse that had stepped up behind them. "I am," he told her, quickly. "Is she alright?"

"She's going to be fine. She's asking for you." The nurse announced and it seemed all three men took one great collective sigh of relief.

"I guess she was right," she said over her shoulder as she began to lead him away.

"Right about what?" Rick asked, almost too distracted to care or try to be polite. He wasn't really in the mood for idle conversation with a stranger.

"I told her I wasn't sure if you were out here. She told me, 'Oh no, he's there. Just go get him.' I guess she knows you pretty well."

He almost managed a chuckle at that. "She does, indeed."

As soon as he stepped behind the curtain he knew he hadn't done enough on his way to her to prepare himself for what he found. He'd tried to brace himself. He knew full well that it was possible there would be tubes of different kinds, some blood, other things he didn't want to think about and he prepared himself for all that. Those things he could handle, it was the look on her face when she glanced up at him that got him and nearly crumbled him to his knees.

She'd been crying. Kate had been crying. She'd tried to remove all the traces. He could tell because her cheeks weren't wet, but her eyes were still puffy and red around the edges. There hadn't been anything she could do to remove those tell tale signs.

The question was why? Kate didn't cry. She didn't break down and lose control without a very, very good reason. In fact, he could barely remember the last time he'd witnessed her like that. He vaguely recalled that it had something to do with her mother's homicide case, but beyond that, the circumstances were too blurry to latch on to. All he knew was that she was sitting with her back propped up by a few pillows, wearing a hospital gown and she looked like she'd been crying. It was all the information his brain could process right then.

He went to her wordlessly and enveloped her in his arms, needing to feel for himself that she was safe and complete .

Once he had convinced himself that she was alive, he pulled back and smoothed some of the hair from her face. "What is it?" he asked, truly disturbed by her demeanor.

She just shook her head and looked away from his penetrating stare.

"Are you okay? Is there something else wrong besides the getting shot thing?"

She opened her mouth like she was about to say something, closed it, then repeated the process a few times. He watched, horrified as more tears formed in her turbulent eyes.

"Kate?" He shook her gently. "You're scaring me. Tell me what's wrong."

The doctor choose that moment to step into the curtained area where they were and Rick turned to look at her.

"How are we doing, Detective Beckett?" she asked as she looked over the chart in her hands.

"I'm okay," Kate mumbled as she quickly swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Can I speak freely or would you rather I give you a few minutes and come back?" she asked as she let her eyes move from him to Kate.

"No," Kate managed. "It's okay. You can say whatever you have to say."

"Please do," Rick interjected, tired of being in the dark and battling the rising panic running through him once again.

"Alright," the doctor nodded. "I don't believe a DNC will be necessary. I don't think you were far enough along for any complications to arise. But should you still experience any bleeding or more cramping after twenty four hours, I want you to call your doctor and get in to see him immediately."

"DNC?" he asked, his eyes shooting instantly to the doctor. Then he turned back to her. "Are you-" He cut himself off quickly and amended the statement. "Were you pregnant?"

Her eyes were welling up again and his arms tightened their hold on her instinctively. "Apparently," she whispered.

"The shock from the gunshot wound caused the miscarriage but from what I can tell there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to try again whenever you're ready. You're healthy. There isn't any permanent damage. "

He was still reeling from the news. His brain only barely acknowledge what the doctor was saying.

He pulled her into him more tightly still, holding her against his chest and trying to ignore the sudden wetness he felt against his shirt. She wouldn't want him to make a big deal out of the tears.

"I'm going to give you a prescription for antibiotics for the wound on your side and some pain killers. Of course, it goes without saying, don't drive or operate any heavy equipment while taking them and try to get some rest. I would like it if you stayed in bed for a few days. Give your body a chance to heal."

Rick nodded numbly at the doctor and told her thank you mindlessly.

Once the doctor was gone he felt the small part of the resolve Kate was holding steady crumble and she literately fell apart in his arms. It didn't last long. Before he had a chance to try to sooth her, she was pulling back from him and wiping at her eyes again.

He was still staring at her like a deer in the headlights as his mind tried to keep up with everything that was happening. In a moment, he was trying to take in the facts. First she was pregnant. They were going to have a baby together. Then the shattering news that it was all taken away from him before he even had a chance to enjoy the thought. And lastly, her reaction to the whole thing.

He hadn't imagined that finding out she was pregnant would be something she would view as good news. They hadn't ever talked about having children. The subject had never come up between them. He had assumed that eventually they would get around to discussing it, but this wasn't the way he pictured having to broach the subject.

"I'm so sorry," was all he could think to say.

She took a deep breath and wiped at her eyes again, almost angrily, like she thought they were betraying her. "She told me earlier to expect to be a little overly emotional while my hormones evened out, but this is ridiculous."

"It's okay," he told her. "You don't have to pretend to be okay with me. Be whatever you feel like being."

She gave him a watery smile before sitting up a little straighter. "I appreciate that, but I still have to pull myself together long enough to get out of here. Once I get home, then I'll fall apart."

He kissed her temple and smoothed her hair. "Okay, let me see what I can do to move that along."

She nodded and let him go. "Ryan and Esposito are in the waiting room, can they come back? Or should I tell them you're fine and make them go home?"

She shook her head. "I don't know if I can..." The rest of the sentence was left trailing in the air, but he understood without the words.

"Consider it taken care of," he assured her. "Just relax. I'll have you out of here before you know it."

They were no longer alone when he found them and all eyes turned to him as soon as he stepped towards them. Captain Montgomery and Lanie were both looking at him apprehensively. Ryan and Esposito appeared a little more composed.

"She's fine," he announced as he held out his hands to hold off the questions that looked like they were about to jump out at him. "She wants to tell you all that she appreciates you coming, but she's going to be fine and she just wants to go home and rest."

"Can we see her?" the Captain asked, taking a step forward.

Rick put his hand on the man's arm to stop his advance. "She's feeling a little indisposed. She'd rather just see you all tomorrow."

"Indisposed!" Lanie exclaimed. "Castle, if you don't get out of my way, I'll knock you out of it."

Rick stepped in front of her quickly. "She really doesn't want to see anyone. She's a little upset and you know how she is. But I promise you, she really is okay."

They all seemed to accept that, some of them more readily than others, and started to gather their things. Then he reconsidered. She hadn't known Lanie was there. He was taking the chance of making her angry, but maybe it would work out for the best.

He reached a hand up to stop Lanie before she had a chance to leave. Javier stopped as well and she just looked at him and waved him on, telling him to go without her.

He nodded and kissed her cheek before taking his leave.

"She's pretty torn up," Castle told her.

"Why? What happened? I thought she just got grazed," her best friend replied, the words running together quickly.

He rolled his eyes to the ceiling and offered up a silent prayer that Kate wouldn't kill him for his next move. "She had a miscarriage."

Lanie immediately covered her mouth with her hand but the gasp seeped out between her fingers. "I didn't even know she was pregnant."

"Neither did we," he answered, wanting her to know that they hadn't been keeping things like that from her. "I'm going to go try to move things along so I can get her home. Maybe you could go keep her company while I do that."

"I'm already gone," she replied. And true to her word, she stepped around him and disappeared behind the swinging E.R. doors before he had a chance to say another word.

It didn't take him as long as he thought it would to take care of the paperwork and get her discharge in order. When he returned to her less than ten minutes later, he found her sitting with her friend's arm around her shoulders and trying to look as brave as possible. She had removed the gown and was already wearing her shirt once again. He tried not to dwell on the blood stain running down her side.

"We are out of here," he announced as he tucked away all the papers he'd just obtained.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Lanie asked. "I can come with you if you like."

Kate shook her head and gave her a smile. "I'll be fine. Besides, by the time Martha and Alexis get through with me I'll be too exhausted to do anything but sleep."

Castle chuckled. She had no idea. He'd already called them to let them know about the shooting and that she was okay. He hadn't mentioned the miscarriage. He didn't know whether that would be okay with her or not. He'd already pushed his luck with Lanie.

Lanie squeezed her shoulder before getting to her feet. "You call me if you need anything. I can be at your place in ten minutes. I don't care what time it is." Then she turned to him. "You take care of her and don't let her come back to work until she's ready. She'll tell you she's ready before she really is. She says a lot things, doesn't make them true."

He ducked his head in response. "I know and I'm on it."

"Would you please stop discussing me like I'm not right here?" Kate interjected, but she was wearing a smile that said she wasn't angry.

Lanie smiled back at her and hugged him briefly before stepping out.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked, moving the wheelchair he'd been provided closer to the bed.

"I'm not getting in that," she informed him. "I can walk all on my own."

"Okay," He waved off her protests. "It's gone." And with that he pushed it to the other side of the curtain so she wouldn't have to look at it.

She stood up a touch shakily and he took his jacket and draped it around her shoulders as he offered her an arm to help her balance.

She glanced down at her shirt in dismay. The entire side seam was split from her armpit to the waist and she cursed under her breath. "This was one of my favorites."

"We'll buy you a new one," he assured her. "Mother has been looking for an excuse to get you to go shopping with her."

She slid her arms into the jacket and stiffened her back, determined not to hobble as she began to walk. That was Kate. Never let them see you sweat.

He couldn't help but smile. "No one here even knows you. They won't think any less of you if you need to lean on me for support."

"I know that," she replied. But the determination in her eyes said she didn't care about it either. She would leave on her own two feet, come hell or high water.

"I love you," he told her as he kissed her forehead and held out his hand. "Will you at least take my hand? That couldn't possibly be seen as a sign of weakness, just affection."

She gave him a strangled sort of laugh as she laced her fingers through his and squeezed his hand. "I love you, too. And I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be difficult."

"I understand." He shrugged. "This is who you are. You don't have to apologize for it."

She moved slowly as if every step she took was agony and he wanted so badly to help her more than she was letting him, but he held back, knowing it was what she wanted.

"How are we getting home?" she asked before they made it very far.

"Mother is on her way. She should be here with the car any second."

She nodded. "Did you tell them?"

"I told them you'd been shot. That's it."

"You could have," she let him know. "They're going to find out eventually."

"Not if you don't want them to," he replied, completely serious.

"You'd lie to your mother and daughter for me?" she asked, stopping to look at him.

He nodded. "I wouldn't like it. But I will if it's what you want."

"We can tell them. It's okay."

They finally made it to the door and he lead her over to a bench and tried to help her sit. Once she was settled, he took the place next to her, still holding her hand tightly in his.

"I wasn't expecting it to hit me like that. I guess I wasn't prepared for it. I had no idea," she stated as she watched the people walking by them.

"Are you okay?" He felt like he was asking her the same question over and over but he really couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I will be." She took another deep breath. "I can't believe I got that upset over losing something I didn't even know I had or wanted, for that matter."

He cut his eyes to her cautiously. "Is it?"

"Is it what?"

"Something you want?"

A horn sounded before she had a chance to answer and his mother pulled up right in front of them. Alexis was out of the car before it had a chance to really stop.

She bustled over to them quickly and put her arm around Kate's shoulder to help her stand. "Are you okay? Dad said you were okay, but are you sure?"

"She's fine," Castle assured his daughter as he held open the door for them both. Obviously he'd been booted to the front seat, because Alexis didn't hesitate before climbing in beside Kate once they had her settled.

It took a while to get the household calmed down once they arrived. Martha insisted they both eat something before going to bed. Kate tried to protest but it fell on deaf ears as a plate was set in front of her. He noticed that she did little more than push the food around on it with her fork.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" Alexis asked again, sensing that something more was going on.

Martha was sitting on one side of Kate and Castle was on the other. Alexis was watching her closely from the other side of the island.

He watched her squirm a little under all the scrutiny and decided to help her out.

"She really is fine," he said again. "There was something else." He glanced at her and she nodded in response before he went forward. "She had a miscarriage, but she's going to be fine."

Everyone froze in the room, Kate included.

Martha was the first one to get over the shock and she moved to put her arm around Kate. "I'm so sorry, Sweetheart." Then she cast her eyes over Kate's shoulder at him accusingly. "Why is this the first we're hearing of a pregnancy?" she demanded.

Kate pulled away and shook her head, stepping in to defend him. "We didn't know. I had no idea."

"But everything is okay?" Alexis asked. "I mean you can try again, right?"

"We weren't exactly trying this time," Kate joked. "But yes, I'm fine. The doctor said we can try again whenever we're ready."

"Are you going to try again?" she asked too enthusiastically. Castle understood her reaction. The one thing Alexis had asked him for when she was younger was a little brother or sister. It always killed him because it was the one thing he couldn't give her at the time. He just didn't know if Kate would understand.

But apparently she did because she smiled at her. "We haven't really discussed it. Like I said we weren't trying this time."

"I, for one, am all for it," Martha gave them her two cents on the subject. "I think it's high time we heard the pitter patter of little feet running around here again."

"Me, too." Alexis agreed. "I've always wanted a little brother or sister."

"Alright," he interjected, not really comfortable with the topic of conversation. It was something he wanted to discuss with her in private before it became a family matter, so to speak. "I think maybe it's time for bed."

Kate gave him an appreciative nod, and started to stand. but didn't move quickly enough before Martha hugged her again. Rick thought he saw her wince slightly at what must have been pain in her side. "Whatever the two of you decide to do about children or anything else for that matter, just know that we're here to help however we can," she told her before pulling away and letting Rick lead her off down the hall to their bedroom.

"I'm sorry about all that," he told her once he had her settled into bed.

"It's okay, really it is," she assured him.

He slipped his shirt from his shoulders and gave it a toss before starting on his pants. After undressing down to his boxers he moved to his side of the bed and slipped under the blankets.

A moment after clicking off the bedside lamp, she was nestled into his side with her head resting on his chest.

"You never answered me earlier," he commented. "Is it something you want?"

She was quiet for a minute before answering. "I've never really thought about it before. You know, with my job and my history with relationships it's not really been an option. I guess I always figured I would have children someday though." She shifted, moving her head so she could see his face. "How about you? Have you ever thought about having more children?"

"Always. Other than writing, it's the one thing I've always felt I was really good at," he told her honestly.

"You really, really are an amazing father," she told him as she placed a light kiss to his chest.

"So what does all this mean?" he asked.

"It means that someday, maybe even someday soon, I would love to have children with you." she answered.

"Aren't we skipping a step?" he joked.

"What? You mean getting married?"

"Well, I kind of always assumed that was the order we'd go in." he shrugged. "You know, move in together, then get married, then have children, then grandchildren, then grow old together."

She laughed. "Wow, you really have it all figured out, don't you?"

"Isn't that how you imagined it happening?" He was fishing. The idea of asking her to marry him had been playing over and over in his mind. Of course, he wasn't about to ask her right then. But he would like to know if, when the time came and everything was perfect, she might be receptive to the suggestion.

"I don't know," she sighed. "I guess that is the way I had it figured, too."

He barely fought down the smile that threatened to take over his face.

Then he pulled her in closer, careful to avoid the wound on her side and kissed the top of her head. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there today."

"Don't do that," she said, sitting up a little. "Nothing would have been any different if you had been there. None of it was your fault."

"I might have been able to do something. I could have stopped you from getting shot."

"Ryan and Esposito were both there. Do you really imagine there is anything you could have done that they didn't do?"

He huffed and stared up at the ceiling disgustedly. "I guess not. I just hate that you got hurt."

"Rick, I'm a cop. Things like this happen. It's just part of it and it's something you are going to have to come to terms with."

"I thought I had. I thought I was prepared for it. But when I got the call from Ryan I just fell apart. I don't ever want to be that close to losing you again."

She raised up, pulling her body slightly over his so she could get to his lips. Then she kissed him. "You know I always try to be as careful as I can be. But that's the only guarantee I can give you. I promise to be careful. I can't promise I won't ever get hurt."

"How long until you retire?" he joked before kissing her again.

"A while, a long while," she answered. "And don't even think about asking me to quit. I have no idea how to be anything else. Being a cop is part of who I am."

"A desk job?" he suggested

She shook her head. "Not hardly. But on a serious note, I know this isn't something we've ever talked about. I guess I figured we didn't need to because you're practically a cop yourself." He beamed a little at that. "But I guess we do need to talk about it."

"Talk about what? The fact that you might get hurt?"

She nodded.

"Kate, I was standing outside your apartment when it blew up with you in it. I held you while we both almost died in a freezer, and I stood beside you when a bomb almost went off in front of us and those are just the times that really stick out for me. There have been so many others I can't ever remember them all. I know the possibility of you not coming home one night is a real one. I get that. I accept it."

"Do you really get it?" she pushed. "I know sometimes reality isn't a place you're comfortable with."

He smiled. "Are you saying that I live in my own little world?"

She smiled back. "Yes, when this one doesn't suit you and harsh reality is a place you don't like at all. But the harsh reality is there and one day it might not care if it suits you or not. I need to know that if that happens, if something happens to me, you'll be okay."

He wasn't sure he wanted to answer that, didn't know if he could honestly. She wanted him to tell her that he'd be fine. He just couldn't make himself do that. So he decided to turn the question around on her, hoping to make her see how unfair it was. "I'm in the field almost as much as you are. I'm in just about as much danger as you are just as often. So you tell me, would you be okay if I didn't come home one night?"

She grew very quiet and still suddenly. "No," she answered in a shaky voice after a long pause. "I wouldn't be okay at all."

"Well then, I guess we both have our answers. And the only thing we can do about it is to watch each other's backs the way we do and try not to think about the what ifs."

"That's it? We just ignore it and pretend like it isn't there?"

"What other choice do we have?" he countered. "I'm certainly too far in this to back out now and I wouldn't even if that wasn't true. We can't live our lives, really live them on what ifs and maybes."

She smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. "You always know just what to say, don't you?"

"I do try," he shrugged again.

They sat there for a long time staring at each other in the nearly complete darkness.

"You really did scare me today," he told her, breaking the silence.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry about the..." he almost said baby but the word stuck in his throat. He wasn't sure he could put that label on it. So far neither of them had thought the whole pregnancy thing through like that, not out loud anyway. It's was easier not to.

She nodded and kissed him before he could conjure up a better way to end the sentence. "I know." she whispered against his lips. "Let's just try not think about it like that. It wasn't meant to be this time."

The words hung in the air as they drifted off to sleep, full of the promise that next time it would be different.


	3. First Steps and Thunderstorms

There wasn't a light on anywhere that she could see as she stepped inside and pulled the scarf from her neck, before doubling it over and inserting it into her pocket for safe keeping. She was forever losing them. The loft was so unusually quiet that she stopped right inside the door for a moment to enjoy it. She almost never got to come home to moments like these. No, normally there was a bustle. And most of her loved it. She'd grown so accustomed to the bustle of activity within the walls of the apartment it didn't seem uncommon or out of the ordinary anymore.

It was nothing to come home to find that Alexis was freeze drying things as part of an experiment or that Rick had duct taped himself to a chair so he could work his way out for a scene in his book, or that Martha was in the study belting out show tunes at the top of her lungs in preparation for an audition.

No, these things were all just part of living in the Castle household and she loved every one of them.

At first, she was very concerned over whether she'd fit here. She was a quiet kind of person. She liked diffused lighting and soft music and a calm atmosphere. But she had to admit, at the same time, she loved the action. There was always something happening and she loved being a part of that. Still, she craved, on occasion, the kind of atmosphere she had just stepped into. Normally the only place she could find such a feeling of serenity was in their bedroom. That had been Rick's idea when she confessed to missing the peace and quiet one night right after she moved in. He had made the bedroom a 'quiet' zone in the house. Nothing loud or rambunctious was allowed in the room at the end of a long hall, which essentially set it apart from the rest of the loft as well. It was the perfect spot. He changed all the light bulbs to lower wattages, let her redecorate the place to her taste, which included soft, natural fibers and warm, peaceful colors like browns and moss greens. It was her sanctuary.

Now, the entire apartment had that feel and it wasn't something she normally experienced.

She finally allowed herself to shrug out of her coat. After hanging it on the hook right inside the door, she took a deep breath and that was when it hit her. Someone had very recently made popcorn. The buttery, salty mouth-watering aroma hit her hungry stomach and it gave a loud growl of appreciation. Then she had no other option but to follow the scent past the kitchen and down to the hall.

She stopped short at the door to the living room and leaned against the door frame, making herself as invisible as possible as she took in the sight before her.

Rick had the projector set up. All the lights were out, leaving the fire roaring in the corner as the only illumination. He and Alexis were on the couch, covered by a throw blanket, with a bowl of the delicious-smelling popcorn between them. They both held huge disposable soft drink cups in their hands and there was an assortment of candy bars and other sweets sitting about the base of the popcorn bowl.

They were playing 'At the movies'. She and Rick had played it themselves a few times in the past four months since she'd moved in.

Alexis' head was resting on her father's shoulder as they both stared straight ahead at the screen in front of them. It was the movie playing that made Kate pause and question whether she should join them. She watched as the tiny little Alexis on the screen took her first staggering steps across a floor she recognized as the one in the kitchen a few feet behind her. She wasn't sure she'd be welcome to intrude on such a personal, private thing between them. She knew from his history that Rick had a problem sharing Alexis with the other women in his life. Gina had complained about it frequently. It was one of the promises he'd made to her when their relationship first began. But she didn't know if she should push the issue. She didn't want to force him to do anything he didn't want to do. He had so little time left with Alexis anyway. She couldn't begrudge him any second of it. She understood how crushed he would be when she left. It was something he talked about often when they were alone in the dark.

She was just about to slink off down the hall and leave them to it, when Rick raised his head and noticed her standing there.

A moment later, Alexis was smiling at her, too. Still, she hesitated. "I was just going to make some dinner."

"Dinner can wait. We have candy and popcorn right here," Rick smiled up at her. "Besides, if you leave now you'll miss the part where she falls on her butt and starts to cry like a baby."

Alexis protested. "I WAS a baby," and punched him in the shoulder. Apparently a little of Kate was wearing off on her. Rick tossed her a slightly wounded, slightly accusatory glare. "She was never violent before you showed up."

"So you're blaming me for this?" she smiled in return. "Maybe its because you weren't as annoying before I showed up?"

Alexis turned to her with another huge, welcoming smile. "That's it exactly."

"I am completely outnumbered by the females in this household," he realized suddenly. "I need some male reinforcements around pronto."

"I could call Ashley," Alexis offered.

Castle shot her a glance. "I was thinking more along the lines of getting a dog, not inviting some teenager over to paw at my daughter while we watch movies in the dark." He stopped her with a look when she began to protest. "I know he's a very nice boy, but I was a teenager myself. And while I might not have been a nice boy, I had friends that were and none of them could resist the movie make out."

Kate was still reeling slightly in the doorway while this exchange went on. It meant something, being invited into this moment with his daughter. It was significant and touching. She knew he was grasping onto any snippets of time he had left with her and to be invited to join that memory was something special, indeed.

"Kate?" Alexis was waving her hand in front of her, trying to her attention. "There's plenty of room. I'll scoot over and you can get in the middle."

Kate caught Rick's eyes and while he wasn't openly protesting, she could tell that he didn't like the idea of Alexis moving away from him, either. So she waved Alexis off. "No, you're both comfortable. Don't move on my account."

Then she stepped past them both and took her spot on his opposite side, leaving him in the middle between them. It was the perfect compromise. Her way of letting him have his cake and eat it, too. His arm came around her and he used it to pull her in tighter as he laid a kiss to the top of her head. She knew right then that she had made the perfect choice.

Rick glanced down to grab a handful of popcorn and stopped short at the sight on his chest. His arm's tightened instinctively around the two most important people in his life as he continued to stare at his chest where each of them were resting their hands. They were almost touching, but not quite, neither of them maintaining more of a hold on him than the other. Neither of them fighting for the dominate piece of him.

That was how it often seemed between Gina and Alexis. It wasn't that they didn't like each other. They got along well together, in fact, although Alexis did see Gina as a trifle flighty and frivolous for her taste It was more of an unspoken argument between them. But then, Alexis was going through the first stages of puberty at the time. He could excuse her underlying possessiveness where he was concerned. He was her parent and she was feeling especially needy and vulnerable. Of course she'd want to think she was the most important thing in his life. The feelings of insecurity that came with raging hormones alone were enough to make her clingy. He was surprised she'd gotten through it all as easily as she had. Most little girls acted out when a new woman was introduced into their environment during that particular time in their lives. It was a normal, natural reaction and he'd been ready for it to happen, had anticipated a whole lot worse than he got.

But things were so different now. Back then, he'd been the most important thing in Alexis' life as well. Now, outside influences were a factor. Ashley, for one and probably most importantly. Rick knew that, for now, he still owned the top spot on Alexis' list of favorite people, but the young man was sneaking up on him and gaining faster than Rick was altogether comfortable with. He had no idea what he was going to do when he slipped to number two. It would happen eventually. It was supposed to happen even. He knew full well that he couldn't hold on to the top spot forever. That just wasn't how it worked. But still, he knew when the time came and he realized it for the first time, he'd be devastated.

Still, he also knew that things were different because Alexis accepted Kate in a way that she had never accepted any of the other women in his life. He had a sneaky suspicion that none of the other women had been good enough as far as Alexis was concerned. Kate had somehow passed Alexis' screening process. It hadn't been easy. Alexis was picky when it came to the women that she deemed worthy to share her father with.

He was very glad that they got along so well. The nagging question of proposing to Kate had been weighing heavily on his mind for weeks now, especially since they lost the baby. Something had changed between them after that and it seemed now that it was simply a question of when they would get married instead of would they.

He knew he was ready. He had never been more certain of anything in his life. He'd never felt so right about anything before.

A soft groan from Alexis brought his attention back to the screen and he laughed quietly at the scene that was now playing. It was his wedding video. Another chuckle came when he considered where his thoughts had been when they were interrupted.

The Rick on the screen was twirling Gina around a grand ballroom full of on-lookers and well-wishers. And he couldn't help but think about how different his feelings were for the woman in his arms as opposed to the one he was dancing with in the movie.

He hadn't lied to Gina when he told her he loved her. He had. He was pretty certain there was a time when he loved her very much. Of course as Kate snuggled a little further into his side, he also knew that he had had no idea what the concept even meant back then. He felt a little guilty for that. He cared about Gina. He wished her all the happiness in the world. He wished that someday she would find a man that looked at her like he looked at Kate.

Actually, he wasn't at all selfish. Now that he knew what it felt like to really love someone, now that he'd experienced for himself, he wished everyone in the world to same happiness he had found.

He wished he was as certain about Kate. He knew she loved him, loved him to a point that astounded him. He was not worthy of the amount of love she held for him in her eyes sometimes. It was overwhelming that someone so amazing found him amazing as well.

* * *

><p>Three DVD's and several hours later, it was storming. They hadn't noticed when the rain started, but now as he and Kate got ready for bed, the thunder was sharp and almost threatening. Something far heavier than rain was pelting the window pane and that noise combined with the thunder to make an even more malevolent sound.<p>

A particularly loud clap of that thunder and an intense streak of lightning lit up the night sky just as Kate was stepping over to her side of the bed and pulling back the blankets. He watched with barely contained amusement as the noise startled her and she made a dive for the bed in her surprise. The blankets were drawn tightly around her almost before her body settled into the mattress and she stared wide-eyed out the window towards the source of her shock.

"Are you okay?" he asked, when her eyes lingered on the window a little longer.

She quickly sat up, took a deep breath and gave herself a little shake. "I'm fine," was her quick, clipped answer.

"It's okay to be scared of thunderstorms, Kate. A lot of people are," he pushed, trying to be as gentle as he could. Obviously, she was disturbed and he wanted to help, maybe even hold her till the storm passed. But he knew if he came on too hard with the hero-type behavior she would immediately shut up, turn over and ride out the storm all by herself.

She turned to him sharply and narrowed her eyes. He knew in that instant that he had somehow said the wrong thing. "I'm not scared of the storm. I was startled by the noise. The storm doesn't bother me. I would appreciate it if you stopped talking to me like that, however."

He watched the anger grow across her face and wondered where the hell it had come from. He wasn't even sure what he'd said now. Was it something bad enough to merit this reaction from her? Had he spoken in a tone he wasn't aware of? He was completely confused by her reaction, so he did the only thing he could think to do, he retaliated. "I wasn't aware I was talking to you in particular way," he told her with just a touch too much sweetness to be an innocent remark.

"Well," she began, then paused long enough to get back to her feet. Her hands went to her hips and her eyes flashed a coppery, greenish tone that said he had done it now. "It's the voice you use when you're trying to manage me. I don't appreciate you handling me as if I were a child."

"I wasn't trying to manage you. I was trying to help," he quickly defended himself as he got out of bed as well. He need to level the playing field and he couldn't do that with her barking down at him like she was. "I thought I was being nice."

"You were being condescending and I don't like it. If I had wanted or needed your assistance, I would have asked for it."

He snorted as his hands found his own hips. "As if that would ever happen."

Another flash of lightning and loud roll of thunder sounded out and instead of scaring her, this time it seemed to just incite her anger. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Kate, if you were on fire you wouldn't ask for someone's help to put you out," he quickly retorted.

"I ask for help when I need it. I just don't need it that often. I can get by fine on my own."

"If that was true, I wouldn't have a tone of voice for when I'm trying to manage you," he huffed.

"So now you admitting that you do try to handle me?" she demanded.

He sighed. "Only when I feel it's in your best interest."

Her hand gestures were increasing as her voice gained volume. "Who made it your job to decide what's in my best interest?" He watched her grind her teeth together before speaking again. "Why do you always have to push? Why can't you just leave things alone sometimes?"

"Why do you feel like you have to deal with every little thing on your own? Why can't you just be a part of this, of us like you said you wanted to be?"

"Okay, so because I'm not afraid of the storm like you think I should be, I'm not as committed to this relationship as you think I should be. Wow, that's a lot of thinking and assuming on your part."

"Why does everything have to be so hard with you? I was just trying to tell you that you didn't have to lay there afraid of the storm all by yourself."

"I'm so sorry, Rick. I don't mean to be so difficult," Her tone of voice said just the opposite was true.

He held his hands out before dropping them to his sides. How could he make her understand what he was trying to tell her? Normally they communicated so well, but the moment anger was introduced it all went out the window and neither of them could say the right thing. It was like they were speaking two entirely different languages when they were angry. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, letting all the anger go as he exhaled. He really needed to make her understand this. It was important and he needed to make her believe it.

Crossing to the other side of the bed, he came to a stop right in front her, putting himself within her slapping reach but taking the chance anyway. "The point I'm trying to make is that you don't have to get by on your own. I'm here. I'm right here and I can guarantee there is nothing you could do or say that's going to make me see you as anything less than amazing."

Her face shifted and for an unsettling moment he couldn't read her. Then the thunder rang out again, rattling the windows this time in it's intensity and it sent her flying towards him. Her body connected to his with a force that nearly sent him tumbling but he quickly adjusted. She was practically trembling when his arms moved around her. He hadn't realized exactly how affected she was by the storm.

She buried her hand in his hair and used it to bring his lips down to hers. It was a heated, passionate kiss that left his knees weak and his heart pounding in his chest. The flash of lightning directly following the thunder found her wrapping her legs around his waist as he hoisted her into his arms.

His hands pulled at her t-shirt, sliding under it to cover the bare skin of her back. Her hands tugged at his hair and her heels dug into the backs on his thighs as their tongues continued to tangle together.

"Rick," she gasped breathlessly as he dropped his head to the bend of her neck and nipped at the creamy, ivory, skin there.

God, he loved her skin, so soft, so succulent. If she was the last thing in the world he tasted, he would die satisfied. If he could combine that with hearing her say his name like that, he could die ecstatic.

He nearly stumbled when she threw her head back, giving him better access to the column of her throat while at the same time pushing her body into his, flatting her breasts to his chest. The tiny pebbles of her nipples grazed over his peeks and he could barely keep them upright as his knees went weak all over again.

Deciding that his best option was getting them to the bed before he dropped her, he took the two staggering steps that got them there and placed her down on the edge of the mattress.

She pulled far enough away from him to rip the shirt from her body and send it flying somewhere behind them. He almost chuckled at her multitasking skills when he realized she was using her heels to slide his boxers from his hips at the same time.

God, he loved how talented she was. The intensity of her passion never failed to amaze him, neither did the fact that is was directed at him. He just couldn't believe how fucking lucky he was.

Once she was done removing both of their clothing with her usual expert ease, she scooted back on the bed and he had no choice but to follow her. Her legs were still wrapped around his waist and she used them to drag him along with her.

After settling himself over her, he gasped out loud when she crushed her hips upwards into his. "Kate," Her name fell from his lips on the tail of a groan when the warmth of her body ground against his hard length.

One of his hands found her breast and he flicked his thumb across her nipple causing her to tighten her hold on him further still. His lips found the hollow place right under her ear, her favorite spot and he spent a few rushed moments teasing it with his tongue before he gently nipped at the skin. It was more than she could take and before he realized what was happening, she shifted her hips slightly as she raised them into the air and impaled herself onto him.

He threw his head back and clenched his eyes closed as the sudden shock of being inside her hit him full force. She wasn't giving him much time to recover, already she was urging him to move with her as her heels dug into the backs of his thighs.

He could feel the tug of an orgasm building in him almost immediately and he knew if she didn't stop, or at least slow down, this whole thing would be over before it barely began.

"Kate," he whispered into her hair where his face was buried. "Wait," he panted. The hand on her breast moved to her hip and he tried to still her movements, to calm her. She was bucking under him, throwing her body back into his with a force that almost took his breath away. He was trying to keep up, but holding on to his crumbling composure was taking more effort than it normally did. He hadn't ever seen her like this before. She was wild, unhinged. Her nails were scraping down his back, biting into his flesh sharply. Her teeth grazed the skin on his shoulder hard enough he was pretty sure she was leaving a mark and her hips continued their unrelenting rhythm. His teeth jarred every time their bodies connected. A sheen of sweat covered them both, causing his hair to stick to his forehead.

Another particularly loud peal of thunder echoed throughout the room and her entire body jerked under his in response. Her inner muscles clamped down on him and he howled in answer.

It was a fight when he pulled away from her and leaned back, giving himself some room between them. He had to do something. He wasn't going to last much longer and he couldn't lose control without her coming along for the ride.

She whimpered when he removed himself from her and tried to grab at him to pull him back in, but he avoided her attempt and raised up to his knees.

"Come here," he hoarsely whispered, motioning for her to join him.

She shifted enough to get her knees under her. Once she was resting on her knees as well, he pulled her in for a moment to kiss her before turning her in his arms, bringing her back flush against his chest.

He quickly angled her body and plunged back inside her, this new position creating a whole new set of sensations. He reached around her and let his hand rest over her mound.

Her breath stuttered as his finger found her tight bundle of nerves and he began to make slow circles over it, matching the rhythm of his body moving inside her.

She was squirming and panting now. One of her hands found her own breast and he watched in stunned amazement as she pinched the nipple between her thumb and forefinger.

Then she toppled forward, using her hands to brace herself before she hit the bed. He grabbed hold of her hips to keep her in contact with him as she changed positions. Her hips continued to rock into his forcefully, so powerfully he felt like he was just barely holding on.

His fingers dug into her flesh leaving little red marks behind them. Neither of them bothered to try to stop the noises they were helpless to prevent and they filled the room, almost blocking out the sound of the storm raging outside the window.

"Kate," he ground out between clenched teeth. "I can't-" the rest of his sentence was cut off by a gasp as her inner muscles suddenly clamped down on him again and there was no stopping it now. It was too late to hold back any longer. The orgasm ripped through him so hard, stars exploded behind his eyes and the sound of rushing water filled his ears, muffling all the other noises around him.

He fell over on top of her as gently as he could. Her body absorbed his weight easily and she lowered them both to the bed.

Moments later they were still panting, though softly now, and his lips found the nape of her neck. He laid a kiss there before shifting to his side and finding a spot on the bed next to her instead of on top of her. She followed him, curling her body into his side and resting her head over his still thumping heart.

"Wow," she muttered.

"Ditto," he returned after swallowing to try to bring some more moisture into his dry mouth.

She chuckled quietly. "You know you were right. I don't like thunderstorms."

He nodded. "I know."

She grew still for a long time, so long that he thought she might have fallen asleep, but then she stirred again. Her voice was very quiet when she spoke and he knew she was about to say something that was either difficult for her to admit or emotionally more than she could handle. He tightened his arm around her waist offering her whatever form of support he could as she rallied herself.

"You know I'm not ever going to be that kind of woman," she began. "I'm never going to need you to ride in on your white horse and save me."

"I know," he answered again.

She pushed herself further into his side and raised her head to see his face. "But it is nice to know that if I ever should need a hero, I have one."

"I'll be glad to be your hero, anytime. But that wasn't what I was trying to do tonight. I wasn't trying to save you from the storm." He tried to explain. "It wasn't like that. I just wanted you to see that you don't have to face things that bother you alone anymore. I can't make you not afraid, but I can be here for you to help you deal. All you have to do is let me."

She gave him a sad smile. "It's not always that easy."

He shrugged. "Of course it is."

"You don't understand," she told him, averting her eyes from his.

He raised up and caught her cheek in is palm. Then he used it to pull her eyes back to his. "I love you. And there is nothing you are ever going to say that will change that. There is nothing you can tell me that will make me see you as weak or needy. I know better than that. I know who you are. You don't have to keep proving it to me." He shifted so he could see her better in the dim lighting. "I want to be the person that you don't have to pretend with. I want to be the one you can break down in front of. I want to be the one that holds you when it's all too much and you just need to cry it out." It looked like she was about to protest that, but he stopped her before she got the words out. "I know that you lock yourself in the bathroom after the really bad cases and it takes you twice as long in the bath. Do you really think I don't know what's going on in there?"

She rolled her eyes upwards as a smile spread across her face. "I thought I was being sneaky. I hoped you wouldn't notice."

He leaned in and kissed her with a matching smile of his own. "Oh, I noticed. I notice everything about you. Nothing slips past me."

"You are always so sure of yourself," she mused.

He let the smile fade from his lips and turned his expression serious once again. "But I want you to stop hiding in the bathroom. It doesn't have to be like that."

She sighed. "Please don't make this a big deal. It's just how I deal with all the stress."

"I know and I understand. What I don't get is why you feel like you need to hide that from me?"

"It just seems so girly and..." her voice trailed off as she struggled to find the right word.

He knew what she was trying to say. He was even pretty sure he knew the word she wanted to use, but he waited patiently for her to figure it out on her own.

"Alright, weak, I guess," she finally conceded.

"It's not weak, Kate. It's human and there is nothing wrong with that."

She pulled her face from his hand and looked away again. Then she took a deep breath and returned her gaze to his willingly this time. "I really do want this to work."

"I know that. I didn't mean to imply that you didn't. You asked me a while ago when it would be my turn to need something. Well, this is it. I need this. I need to feel like you can come to me with anything. I need to know that you trust me enough to let me in."

"Okay," she nodded. "I'll try."

"That's all I ask," he told her.

She rose from the bed and led him to the bathroom to wash away the sweat from their furious lovemaking session. As she glanced around the room, the scene of her 'crime' of withholding a piece of herself from him, she vowed silently that she would never cry alone, behind the locked door again.


	4. It's a Wild World

Boundless sunshine and clear blue skies seemed to mock him as he stood on the balcony of his loft with his hands tucked into the pockets of his black dress pants and stared out at the city before him.

There was an enormity to the world in front of him. A scary, endless vastness that stretched out so far it disappeared on the horizon. He clearly remembered a night twenty-six or so years in the past. He had been doing exactly what he was doing now but everything looked so different. And it wasn't because of the times changing around him. He saw things in a completely different way back then. Instead of a scary vastness, he saw an endless playground full of opportunities.

And in a few short hours, she would be walking out into it on her own. Fear gripped him suddenly as all the things he wanted to tell her flooded into his mind. It was too late now to get them all out. The game was over. The finish line was in sight. There was nothing more he could do for her now. Another wave of terror caused a cold sweat to break out over his forehead.

He hadn't done enough. He hadn't prepared her like he should have. He had sheltered her too much and now she wouldn't be able to handle all this vastness on her own. She wouldn't survive all the horrors that awaited her in the real world and it was his fault for not doing more. There was so much she needed to know. So much he still needed to say.

His hands gripped his thighs through the material of his pockets and he felt a sudden rush of tears sting his eyes.

How would he live without her there beside him? How would he manage to get through his days without her cheerful, 'Good morning,' to start him off or her soft peck on his cheek before she said goodnight?

The heart wrenching reality was that he had no idea. But he had to figure it out. There was no other alternative. Keeping her with him would only be holding her back and he'd rather suffer through any form of torture than know he was responsible if she didn't go and become all she could be.

_Her destiny lies along a different path. And it's a path I can't follow her down, _he thought whimsically to himself. It reminded him vaguely of some line in a _Star Wars _movie and then the tears were back full force as he remembered carrying her into the theater on his shoulders the first time they saw the movie.

A noise somewhere behind him reminded him that he wasn't alone and he quickly swiped at his face with his hand to remove the tears. He didn't want her to catch him crying over her leaving. The guilt would eat at her if she knew how much this was killing him. That was who she was, so kind and caring. Knowing she was causing him any kind of pain would hurt her in return.

But right then, he also acknowledged the fact that he couldn't look at her. He needed to retreat before she caught him. If she walked up to him and put her arms around his neck at that moment, it would be over. His emotions were just too raw for him to handle a display of affection from her.

He thought about her as he made his way down the hall, searching out the sanctity of his bedroom. Was she going through anything like what he was? Was he doing the right thing by hiding from her when she might need him as much as he needed her?

No, he decided, as he closed the door behind him and rested his back against it. There was more happening for her than just her leaving him. All those opportunities and the playground in front of her had a way of deadening the pain of leaving. He was sure she was bothered by it. He wanted to believe that anyway. It just wasn't going to hit her with near the force it was hitting him.

It had been the same with her prom night and then again soon after when she graduated though not as severe. Now he was faced with the fact that she wouldn't be sleeping in the same place as he was that night. She would be in her new bed, in her new place in the world and he would be nothing more than a mandatory visit home on the holidays and a call a couple of times a week.

His entire reason for existing for the last eighteen years was going to see him as an afterthought. Pictures, letters and phone calls would soon be his only link to her.

His life was ending just as hers was beginning and he wasn't sure he knew how to pick up the pieces and move on without her.

His answer came walking out of the bathroom, covered only in a towel. Her hair was up, help in place by pins, leaving only a few curly tendrils to frame her face. Her skin was still flushed a pleasing rosy color from the warmth of her bath.

She didn't notice him for a moment as she made her way to the closet they had shared for nearly a year now. When she did glance his direction and found him with her eyes, they immediately took on a look he'd seen her use many times over the years. She'd just never used it on him before. It was the compassionate, pitying look she used on the family of the victims she dealt with everyday. He'd always wondered how she managed to make them feel any kind of comfort in the wake of what they were going through. But now he knew. That look could sooth the soul of any man.

"Oh, Rick," she mumbled. Completely abandoning her search for clothing, she came and wrapped her arms around him.

He sagged into her, letting himself slump into her body. She took his weight easily and tightened her hold on him as she guided him over to the bed. He refused to let her move away from him so she conceded and crawled into his lap once he was sitting down.

"You told me last night you were okay," she said softly as she stroked his hair. It wasn't an accusatory tone. It was almost mournful.

"I thought I was," he answered while trying to hide the choked sob welling up in his chest. "But it just gets harder every time a new suitcase appears at the bottom of the stairs."

Her lips brushed his cheeks, taking some of the wetness from them. "You are going to get through this. You can't let her see you like this."

He nodded but refused to answer. She was absolutely right. He needed to be strong for Alexis. He could do that. He'd done it before. It just hadn't ever been this hard before.

"How is she?" he asked, knowing Kate had only recently come down the stairs to take a bath. She'd been in Alexis' room all morning helping her finish packing.

"You haven't seen her?" She pulled back to look at him.

He looked away from her and shook his head. "I've heard her moving around up there all day. I just haven't been able to bring myself to go up there."

She grabbed his chin and jerked his face back to hers. "You have to go talk to her before she leaves, Rick."

"How am I supposed to do that and not let her see me like this at the same time?" he demanded with just a touch of anger, not at her but at the situation in general.

She took a deep breath and kissed him. "You'll paint on that smile that is never far away and you'll stroll up those stairs and ask her if she needs any help."

He hesitated. She almost made it sound easy. "But it isn't just seeing her. It's seeing that room. It's going to look so empty."

She nodded sadly. "Yes, it does."

"Everything that made this place so alive and cheerful is going to walk out that door in a few hours," he replied around the lump in his throat.

"I know," she told him. "But you have to let her go. Keeping her here would be selfish. She has to go out and share all that cheer with the world now."

"She isn't ready. The world is going to eat her alive," he argued, even though he knew it was a lie.

"She is ready. She's as ready as she can be. You've taught her everything she needs to know to survive. I wish I was as prepared when I left home as she is. She's going to be fine." Kate assured him with complete confidence that she was right.

She removed herself from his lap and held out her hand to him when she got to her feet. He took it and allowed her to pull him up. "Go, talk to your daughter. And don't be too dramatic. She's holding up, but if you break down, so will she." She returned to the closet to search out something to wear. "I promise tonight, when this is over, we'll do something special to take your mind off of it. And if you still feel like you need to break down, you can do it then."

He took the two steps that closed the space between them and wrapped her up in his arms. Then he kissed her. "Thank you," he whispered against her lips.

"For what?" she asked.

"For being here. For getting me through this. All of it."

"Where else would I be?" she shrugged as if it were no big deal, but it was and they both knew it.

"I love you. Have I said that yet today?"

She smiled and kissed him again. "Only once this morning when we first got up, so I think it was due. I love you, too. Now go."

She gave him a little shove and he let her, but he paused at the door long enough to take a deep breath and square his shoulders.

The entire walk up the stairs was taken up by him determinedly strengthening his resolve. He had to stop outside the door to muster the smile Kate had told him to wear. That was when the thought hit him and he retreated back down the stairs quickly before she spotted him. He really wanted to get this right. He couldn't afford to lose out one what would be one of his last father/daughter moments with her. He needed some help with this.

"Hey sweetheart," he gushed, a few minutes later, as he blew in through the open door. "Do you need any help?"

He did his best to divert his attention from the stark, bare walls that had, only the day before, been decorated with her pictures and posters and other sentimental mementos. She was a pack rat when it came to things like that. It was something she got from him.

"I'm pretty much done, actually," she smiled back at him from where she was sitting perched on her bed.

"Well then," He moved over to the intercom display right inside her door, cued up the CD player in the living room and turned up the volume. "Surely, you won't mind indulging your old man in one last dance before jetting off a million miles away to the other side of the country."

She tilted her head as her smile widened and took his offered hand.

Once on her feet, she slipped off her shoes and stepped onto the tops of his feet. It was the only way they ever danced together. Then she rested her head on his shoulder and let him move them along to the rhythm of the song he'd selected.

He had done that with great care and she seemed to understand that and said nothing as she laid against his chest and listened to the words.

_Now that I've lost everything to you, _

_You say you want to start something new,_

_And it's breaking my heart you're leaving;_

_Baby, I'm grieving. _

_But if you want to leave, take good care,_

_Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear, _

_But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there;_

_Oh Baby, Baby, it's a wild world, _

_It's hard to get by just upon a smile;_

_Oh Baby, Baby, it's a wild world,_

_I'll always remember you like a child, Girl;_

_You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do, _

_And it's breaking my heart in two,_

_Cause I never want to see you sad, Girl, _

_Don't be a bad girl._

_But if you want to leave take good care,_

_Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there, _

_But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware;_

_Oh Baby, Baby, it's a wild world,_

_It's hard to get to by just upon a smile;_

_Oh, Baby, Baby, its a wild world,_

_And I'll always remember you like a child, Girl. _

_Baby, I love you_

_But if you want to leave take good care,_

_Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there; _

_But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware;_

She shifted in his arms and turned her face up towards his. "I know, Dad. I'll be careful."

A few hours later, he turned his key in the lock and walked into his loft with his head down, eyes focused on his feet and his spirits feeling about as low as he'd ever felt.

Gone, the word repeated itself over and over in his mind.

The ride home from the airport, where he left his child to start her new life without him, was the longest, loneliest ones of his life. He couldn't remember ever actually feeling his heart breaking like it was in that moment.

His mother and Kate had stayed at the loft while Rick took Alexis to the airport, giving them a chance to say there proper goodbyes alone. It was a nice gesture and he appreciated it. But he really wished Kate had been with him on the way home.

"He's here," Martha's voice suddenly burst from the direction of the kitchen.

And a few minutes later, Kate was standing in the hall that lead to their bedroom. He almost missed the clingy, light pink nightie and matching robe she was wearing, almost but not quite.

He almost missed them because she was holding something behind her back. Something that seemed to be struggling in her arms.

"Kate?" he questioned taking a step towards her.

"A while ago, you mentioned leveling the playing field around here. Well, I decided it wasn't a bad idea." She withdrew her arm from behind her.

And there was suddenly a black and white spotted puppy wiggling in her arms. It raised it's face to hers and began to lick in earnest as she struggled to keep it away.

Finally, she handed the armful of energy off to him and stepped back. "His name is Baxter. Your mother got him from the shelter today. They tell us he's not going to be very big and he's already housebroken."

He laughed as he tightened his hold on the bustling puppy. "Kate, you don't know much about dogs, do you?"

"No, not really," she shrugged. "I mean, I know you have to feed them and walk them."

"This is a Dalmatian puppy,"

"What does that mean?" She looked confused.

"It means that this puppy is going to grow into a very big dog," he explained around trying to dodge a tongue that was darting at his face.

She looked honestly stricken for a moment. "We can take it back. I just thought it might help, you know."

He looked down into the face that was looking at up him with large brown eyes. One of his many black spots made a perfect circle around his left eye. "Oh no," he informed her. "It's too late now. You can't take him back."

Once he finally settled the rambunctious ball of excitement in the bathroom with a blanket to sleep on and food and water, he came back to the bedroom and slid into bed beside her.

Then he looked at her and shook his head ruefully. "I can't believe you got me a puppy."

"But you like him, right? I did good?" she asked uncharacteristically uncertain.

"I've been talking about getting a dog for a while now. And he's perfect," he smiled to let her know he was pleased.

She touched his cheek tenderly. "I really hope it helps. I know how hard today was."

He threw himself back against the headboard and ran his hand through his hair. "Hell, not just today, it's been for the last week. The torture just dragged on and on."

She came to him and curled into his side. "Is there anything I can do? Can I make you a drink?"

He shook his head and pulled her in tighter. "Nope, just lay there right like that," he looked down at her. "And tell me she's going to be okay. Tell me I have nothing to worry about and that she isn't out there all on her own."

She raised her head and smiled up at him. "She's going to be okay. She's strong and smart and careful. You raised a good girl, Rick. She's going to do fine. And I wish I could tell you that you have nothing to worry about, but we both know that isn't true. I can't make that go away. But she isn't all alone. Ashley is meeting her at the airport and Meredith isn't far at all."

He gave her a weary smile. "That, in no way, makes me feel better."

"You gave her the best armor you could give her." He looked at her doubtfully. "She has a strong set of values and some solid morals. You can't ask for more than that and I doubt that being close to her mother will change that."

"Now who always knows the perfect thing to say?" he muttered against her temple before kissing her.

"I do try," she chuckled quietly.

They sat there for a few drawn out minutes before he finally shifted. "I thought you mentioned doing something special tonight to take my mind off everything."

"Did I?" she asked coyly.

"Oh yes ma'am, you did and I intend to hold you to it. I'm feeling especially needy tonight," he assured her.

She raised up and wrapped her arms around his shoulder before straddling his lap. "I suppose you're right. I do vaguely recall making that statement."

He pulled her to him and kissed her, intent on making sure she lived up to her promise.

It was hours later, in the complete darkness of the night as he lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling, totally unable to sleep, that it really hit him.

As if she could sense the turmoil in him, Kate woke suddenly, sat up beside him and reached out a hand to touch his stomach. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"No," he choked out, shakily.

And in the next instant she was there, surrounding him, holding him as he let the grief he was feeling overtake him. She smoothed his hair and whispered things softly into his ear as he tried to come to terms with what he'd lost that day.

It seemed to take forever, but he finally drifted off to sleep with her arms still around him and her voice softly telling him it was going to be alright.


	5. The Price of Recklessness

"I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself," she yelled when finally the last of her control slipped away and the full brunt of her anger hit her.

"Is that right?" he fumed in reply. "Then why do I feel like I'm suddenly the one always looking out for you?"

Her entire body jerked at that. How dare he! "I do not need you to take care of me, Castle. I'm a big girl. Right now, you need to back off."

"Someone has to look out for you!" he shouted right back. "You aren't very interested in looking out for yourself!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

They had been arguing for nearly an hour now. At first it was just little barbs tossed back and forth that said neither of them was very happy with the other at the moment. Then it escalated into the shouting match they now found themselves in. Both of them held to their convictions, both convinced they were right.

"Two days ago, you went into that building with no backup and to make matters worse, I heard about it yesterday, not from you like I would have hoped, but from Esposito. I wouldn't even have known anything out of the ordinary had happened if he hadn't said something. Were you really planning on not telling me that you almost got jumped?"

"We talked about this yesterday. You told me you weren't mad about it. You said you understood," she stuttered, clearly not prepared for the sudden turn in the conversation.

He leveled her with a steely glare and crossed his arms over his chest, too enraged now to back down. "I lied." He bit out each word, carefully enunciating each syllable.

She took a deep breath, trying to keep herself in check. It wasn't working. The expression on his face as he stared her down only served to heighten her rage. "You can't do that. You can't tell me you're fine with something, then throw it in my face the next time you're mad. It doesn't work like that."

"I thought I was okay with it. But I can't stop thinking about how reckless it was. You could have gotten yourself killed, Kate. There is no reasonable explanation for you going into that building without someone watching your back."

"Well, I wouldn't have been alone out there if you had been with me," she returned. If he wanted to revisit this conversation, she could do that. She had some resentment built up over it herself. She had just decided to push it away and forget about it. But if he wanted to do this, she would be more than happy to join him.

He flinched at her words and she could tell she'd struck a nerve. "You think that just because I wasn't there, it gives you permission to be irresponsible with your safety?"

Her eyes widened before narrowing again dangerously this time. Of all the nerve! "I don't need permission to be anything. Especially not from you and I wasn't being irresponsible. I was doing my job. And really when it comes to being irresponsible do you think you have any room to talk?"

"We aren't talking about me right now!" he exclaimed. "You can't just keep taking chances like that anymore. If you won't do it for yourself, think about how you dying would affect the other people in your life."

"I didn't die. I didn't even come close," she protested loudly.

"But you could have. Dumb luck was the only thing that saved you this time. I'm not okay with relying on luck to keep you safe."

"And I guess the fact that I've been a cop for a long time had nothing to do with it. I guess my experience doesn't count for anything now," she retorted.

He took a step closer to her and his arms visibly tightened where they were still crossed over his chest. "I know you know what you're doing out there. It isn't a question of that."

She tightened her own arms as well and felt the tips of her nails digging into her flesh a little. "Then what is it a question of? Are you mad because you missed all the action?"

He took a step back and shock covered his face. "You think I'm angry because I didn't get to watch you almost get jumped? You think that's something I would have wanted to see?"

"I think you're mad because you missed out on a rare chance to play the hero," she replied. "You can't stand it when things happen that you aren't a part of."

He retook the step and added a few more as well. He was getting closer to her and she wasn't sure why. His nostrils flared as he glared at her. His eyes flashed with something far more powerful than anger now. It was rage, pure and simple rage. "There will never be a time when I want to be a part of you getting hurt. How could you even imply that?"

"You never even bothered to give me a reason for why you weren't there. All you said is that you had things to take care of." She was trying to change the subject. Obviously, her comment had cut him a little deeper than she meant to and now she needed to retreat before things got out of hand. She wasn't entirely certain it wasn't already too late for that.

His arms dropped to his sides and his face softened just slightly. "You have to trust me this time. I had a good reason for not being there, but I can't tell you any more about it."

"That's supposed to be good enough. You're keeping secrets from me and I'm not supposed to be bothered by that, but the second you think I'm doing it you jump all over me."

He took another step closer. "I'm not keeping secrets from you, Kate. I just can't tell you what I was doing."

She laughed bitterly. "And how is that not keeping secrets?"

"Damn it! I knew this would happen. I knew you wouldn't just let this go."

"Why would I just let it go? It sounds awfully suspicious," she countered.

He sighed tiredly. "Why does it have to sound suspicious? What do you think I was doing that you should be suspicious about? Do you think I was off having some clandestine affair while you were running into dangerous buildings alone trying to get yourself killed?"

She stuttered at that. The thought hadn't occurred to her before now. It had never even entered her mind. "Well no. I didn't think that," she managed.

"Well, at least that's something, I guess," he muttered under his breath as he raked his hand through his hair. "But none of that changes the fact of what you did." He jumped right back on track, obviously not finished yelling it out yet. "Damn it, Kate, I need to know that I can trust you to keep yourself safe when I can't be there with you."

"I kept myself safe for years before you showed up and I can do it again." This was not what she signed up for. She didn't need him telling her what she could and couldn't do. He wasn't allowed to run her life like that. Whether she had decided to share it with him or not, it was still her life. She had had enough of being pushed and bossed like she was a child and he was her keeper.

"I'm leaving," she said as she tried to dart past him. It was a stupid move. She should have known better. His reflexes were almost as good as hers and he grabbed hold of her wrist with hardly any effort at all.

She was shocked at first. It wasn't like him to physically snatch at her. She'd never seen him do it before. Normally, he knew better. Normally, he would be looking very afraid right then, but he wasn't anywhere near afraid.

"I told you in the beginning I would not live like that. You don't get to storm off and call us over every time you get mad. If you walk out that door, it might kill me, but we're over. Done. You only get to leave me once," he warned her. "You better make damn sure you mean it."

She jerked her wrist away from him and planted her hands firmly on her hips, glaring him down without flinching. "Are you threatening me?"

He shifted his stance so that he was facing her completely instead of in profile. "No, I'm reminding you of the promises we made to each other. You remember, it was right after I got stabbed."

He had chosen his words carefully. And she hated him for that. He always seemed to know just what to say and just how to say it. He was, not too subtly, in fact, rather pointedly, reminding her of what it felt like for the few seconds she thought she might lose him. He was making sure she understood that just because he hadn't known she was in danger until later, it still carried the same affect. It still made him have to think about losing her. Guilt and regret washed through her, just like he'd intended, but she refused to let him know it. She wasn't done being angry at him. She wasn't leaving, but she wasn't done.

"Fine," she conceded, when the staring match become too much for her. "I'll be more careful. That's all I can say. I can't change what happened."

He took a step closer to her. "And when something does happen?"

She rolled her eyes and tightened her arms. "I'll tell you about it, okay? Are we done here, because if you don't stop talking to me like I'm your daughter I'm going to slap you."

"Alexis never gave me this much trouble," he mumbled. "I guess that's progress though. You aren't threatening to shoot me anymore."

"What have I told you about that tone of voice?" she retorted, instantly incensed all over again. "Do not manage me!"

His eyes flashed and his nostrils flared again. "Stop making me feel like I need to!" His tone was just as icy as hers. He matched her anger with his own at every turn.

She threw her hands up and cursed under her breath. "This isn't working. Maybe I should leave."

He stood completely still for a few moments and she wasn't sure if he was going to respond or not. She was just contemplating going to the closet and hauling down her suitcase when he stirred.

It was a move so quick she was completely unprepared for it. He didn't so much step towards her as dive. His body crashed into hers and his arms went around her so fast she could barely keep up.

"You aren't leaving," he growled before capturing her lips with his in a bruising kiss.

"Let me go!" she spat as she struggled against his ever-tightening hold on her. She couldn't break loose. He had her too securely. Well, she could have, she amended, but not without risking serious injury to him and she wasn't sure she was ready for that kind of violence towards him.

"No," he replied. "You're staying right here, where you belong."

She'd only met this heated, forceful Rick a few times in the years she'd known him and it always did odd things to her insides. She'd never admit it out loud, but there was just something about him when he was like this, chest heaving, muscles bunched in tension, shoulders back and a glare in his eyes, that she was almost helpless to resist. The sudden emergence of the dominant side of his nature turned her on far more than she wanted it to. She wasn't supposed to like being manhandled, or bullied. She wasn't supposed to turn to jelly inside when he towered over her and glowered at her the way he was. But damned if she could convince her body of that. The righteous indignation of her response to his authoritative demeanor was strictly in her head. Her body responded quite oppositely.

His lips crushed hers again. His tongue swept across them and suddenly struggling didn't seem so important anymore. She wiggled her arms free from where he'd trapped them at her sides when he took hold of her and buried them in his hair. Her fingers tightened and she distinctly heard him hiss in pain as she pulled his hair harder than she meant to. She tried to ignore the tiny little triumph she felt at that. It shouldn't make her happy to cause him pain, but she couldn't deny that right then, that tiny piece of suffering was a little bit elating.

His hands moved from her back as they continued to wage war with their lips. He was tugging at her shirt almost desperately and she could not bring herself to pull her hands from his hair to assist him.

A shudder ran up her spine and she gasped when he stopped struggling with the shirt and simply ripped it down the middle, sending buttons flying in every direction.

Her hands dropped to his shoulders as she suddenly realized she wanted to feel his skin under her hands as badly as he'd wanted to feel hers. And feel hers, he was. He was everywhere, kneading, grazing, tugging, teasing her. It was like an octopus was attacking her and she had trouble keeping up with the frenzy of his movements.

She yanked and pulled at his t-shirt but it stubbornly refused to move out of her way, so she took her cue from him and began to rip it from his back. It was his turn to shudder as the material gave way and he pulled just far enough back to snatch it from his shoulders before letting it find the floor.

She was already moving past the shirt, her attention caught elsewhere as she now struggled with his belt. He quickly grew impatient with her fumbling and brushed her hands away. He moved his nimble fingers, making short work of both his belt and the closures of his pants. Then he started on hers.

He was guiding them backwards as he worked at their clothing and she had no idea how, but by the time the backs of her knees found the bed, she was as naked as he was.

Instead of letting her crawl backward to allow him room on the bed as well, he held her there, towering over her as he grasped her legs and pulled them around his waist.

The bed was the perfect height, resting her body in exactly the right position against his when she sat on its edge.

She was just latching on to a thought, something important that she needed to say when he shifted to bring his body in line with hers and plunged forward.

Whatever it was, it was gone in an instant as he buried himself as deeply inside her as he possibly could. He paused there, holding them both still for a moment as they just stared at each other and enjoyed the feeling. Then he hitched her legs a little higher on his waist and somehow he managed to sink further still. Her entire body seemed to spasm as he hit the perfect spot inside her and stars exploded behind her eyes for a moment. Then he was moving, pulling his body as far from hers as he could before thrusting all the way back inside. His hips connected to hers with a punishing force that made her head spin. She held on to his shoulders, fingers digging into his skin as she did her best to stay with him. It wasn't easy.

His entire body was still tense with what she thought might still be anger. All hers was gone. It had disappeared the moment his lips met hers. Now all that was left of it was a desperate, hungry need for him.

His hips shifted once again as he began to pick up speed with his movements. The new angle sent a shudder through her and he gasped as her inner muscles clamped down on him.

His eyes held hers the whole time, neither of them backing down or admitting defeat in the staring contest they found themselves in the middle of once again.

There was no way she'd let him win another round. She'd already lost one tonight.

He was bucking into her so quickly now that she lost her hold on his shoulders and her hands fell to his chest instead. Just to up the ante on their little game, she slid her fingers down his pecs, brushing her thumbs over his flat nipples as she went. She was rewarded with him throwing his head back and clenching his eyes closed as he groaned loudly and cursed under his breath. A tiny surge of triumph zinged through her.

As soon as he regained some of his composure, he fell over her, somehow without losing the rhythm of his hips. His tongue brushed over the curve of her shoulder a second before his teeth bit into her flesh. Then his hand came around to the back of her head and he buried it in her hair. Using it to bring her eyes back to his, he also tightened his fingers, a little retaliation for her earlier hair pulling. She was completely caught off guard by her body's reaction to it. Everything inside her stiffened instantly and she utterly lost control. A long, low wail issued from her lips that sounded suspiciously like, "Oh God, Rick!" and the last thing she saw before squeezing her eyes shut against the pressure inside her was the look on his face as he watched her come undone in his arms.

She wasn't aware of much for a time besides the vague memory of him shouting her name out before collapsing on top of her. That seemed like hours ago. They'd been laying there like that with him draped over her and her arms clutching to his shoulders, legs clinging to his waist nearly desperately, for so long she'd lost track of time. It wasn't until he stirred that she came back to reality.  
>She still wasn't ready to let him move. Something seemed to have snapped inside her and she couldn't bring herself to let him go, not even for long enough to find a more comfortable position.<p>

He tried again and she simply tightened her hold on him in response. Finally, he lifted his head from her shoulder and found her eyes with his. Whatever he saw looking back at him caused him to swallow hard and stop attempting to move.

Somehow, he just knew. It was like he could read in her face how severe her urgent need to hold him was. His arms slid under her, splaying across her back and she realized what he was about to do a moment before he did it. She barely had enough time to tighten her hold on him before he lifted her into his arms and turned them so that he was sitting on the bed and she was straddling his lap. She happily acquiesced to their new position and laid her cheek against his chest to listen to his heartbeat attempting to return to its normal pattern.

They were both shaking, trembling in each other's arms.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" he asked into her shoulder where his head was resting.

She nodded against his chest. "I think I might have some idea, yeah."

His arm's tightened around her. "God, Kate, I wish you could understand what the thought of losing you does to me."

She shuddered and suddenly her cheeks were wet and she had no idea why. "I'm sorry I made you worry. I'm sorry I went in there alone," she whispered.

She was still clutching him, clinging to him with her arms and legs wrapped greedily around his body.

He tried to pull back enough to see her face, but she steadfastly refused to look up at him and he quickly gave up and kissed the top of her head instead. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. She couldn't really explain the emotions she was experiencing. It was hard to put it all into words, but she wet her dry lips with the tip of her tongue and gave it a try. "I guess I'm feeling a little overwhelmed."

"I understand," he nodded into her hair. "I feel that way a lot when I'm holding you."

"I don't want to fight anymore."

One of his hands moved to her hair and he began to smooth it soothingly. "We aren't fighting anymore."

"You aren't mad at me anymore?" she questioned and her voice sounded small and vulnerable even to her own ears. It was a good thing it was him she was talking to. If it had been anyone else hearing that tone come out of her mouth, she'd never be able to live with herself for appearing so weak.

"No," he assured her. "I'm not mad anymore."

Deciding it was time to lighten the mood before she completely broke down for no explainable reason, she finally did pull back enough to see his face and she gave him a smile. "Are you lying this time?"

He smiled back before kissing her forehead tenderly. "Not this time. And technically I didn't lie before. I just didn't realize how much the whole thing bothered me."

"Are you really not going to tell me where you were the other day?" she pushed, because it was her and there was really no way she could just let something like that go. She wasn't as nervous as she thought she'd be when faced with the possibility that he might be planning something behind her back. Normally the idea would be terrifying. But for some reason it was only mild curiosity that drove her questioning.

"I'm really not going to tell you where I was the other morning and one day soon, you'll understand." He kissed her in attempt to divert her attention and it worked for a moment as she sank into the feel of his lips against her. It was something she was absolutely positive she would never get tired of.

"How soon is soon?" she continued after he pulled away.

He chuckled and renewed his hold on her. "You just don't give up, do you?"

She laughed right back. "Did you really think I was going to? Have we met?"

His laugh now was a full throaty sound that rang throughout the room. It was one of her favorite noises. When he laughed like that it took over his entire body and he embraced the amusement completely, not holding anything back from it.

"Will you at least give me a hint?" she went on.

Suddenly, he raised up, still holding her against him and turned to the bed. She snatched at his shoulders as he crawled them into the middle of it. She thought he was going to set her down, but instead, he turned them and laid himself against the mattress, letting her continue to straddle his body. She was amazed at his ability to move like that. It was as if the burden that she imposed was nothing at all. His muscles hardly bulged under her added weight. It made her realize, not for the first time, how incredibly strong he really was.

"I'm not going to give you any hints," he answered once they were settled and comfortable. "Not even one because you'll just see them as clues in the case of your missing partner and you won't give up until you have all the facts. But I promise you, if you could just show a little restrain this time and trust me, it will be worth waiting for."

She pulled back, moving her arms from around his neck and placing them together on his chest. Then she propped her chin there as she looked into his face. "So it's a surprise?"

His smile widened and he rolled his eyes. "Yes, its a surprise."

"A surprise for me?"

He huffed now. "Oh my God, you are as bad as Alexis when she was five on Christmas Eve."

She raised one of her hands and brushed her fingers against the frown that had replaced the smile on his face. "No, no, you said we weren't going to be mad anymore."

That turned it upside down and instead of kissing the tip of her finger she was using to trace his lips, he surged forward and bite her, not hard enough to hurt, but definitely to shock. It worked and she snatched her hand away from his mouth quickly.

Her eyes narrowed as she looked down at him. "You know people have lost teeth doing that."

"Oh, I'm sure they have. I can just imagine some sleazy perp trying to take a bite out of you in your younger, rookie days," he countered as he trailed a hand through her hair. "I wish I had known you then. I bet you were a sight to see."

She rested her head on her hands again as her smile turned whimsical. "I wasn't that different then than I am now. Maybe a little less bravado now. I'm a little more cautious than I was and definitely a little slower, but nothing's really changed that much."

He raised up and found her lips. "I bet you were just as extraordinary then as you are now."

She shrugged and felt the blush rising on her cheeks. "I like to think so."

They fell quiet for a time. They found themselves here a lot actually. She had never experienced anything like it with anyone else she'd ever known. But she and Rick spent a lot of time just looking at each other. Not speaking, not moving, just staring. She didn't know what look her face held during these times, but his always made her heart stop and her stomach drop. It was so awestruck and mesmerized, she had no idea why she was the recipient of such a gaze.

Finally, she wiggled her hips and a slow smile spread across her face. "Is it a big surprise?

He shifted his hips back into hers and gave her a smile of his own along with a little eyebrow wiggle. "It's a good size but I don't see how, with you moving like that, it's much of a surprise."

She punched his shoulder playfully. "That isn't a surprise at all. You are a little insatiable."

He moved his hands up her sides, dragging them slowly as he explored her skin. "Only when it comes to you, Katie."


	6. Just the two of us

"You know I don't like surprises," Kate announced as she wiggled impatiently on the black leather seat of the limo that had picked them up outside of their loft only moments before.

"You'll like this one," he assured her. "Now just sit back and relax."

"Where are we going?" she continued to push, very unsatisfied with that answer.

"We are going to the airport and that's all you're getting out of me," he replied as he sat back against the seat with a smug smile on his face.

Then she stopped squirming and got very still. He cut his eyes towards her warily. She was up to something, switching tactics on him. He could see it on her face. She was about to try something new to break him.

Sure enough, he watched as she scooted a little closer to him and placed her hand gently on his knee. His eyes moved to her hand and he was a little stunned when she moved it higher on his leg. Kate wasn't one for public displays of affection and while they were enclosed in the limo, the shield was down and the driver could easily see them if he glanced in his rear view mirror. He was even more stunned when she moved her entire body flush against his side and her lips brushed his ear as she spoke.

"But you really want to tell me where we're going," she purred.

It was a good tactic. Her hand was now dangerously high on his leg, sitting almost at the junction where it met his body. Her fingers were, in fact, brushing against the zipper of his, now, decidedly uncomfortable jeans and her tongue snaked out to trace the ridge of his ear.

"Kate!" he hissed in a hushed whisper when her fingers managed to brush him in just the right spot to send a shiver through his body.

"Rick," she groaned back at him, not moving either her mouth or her hand. "Tell me where we're going and what you have planned."

He pushed away from her, retreating as far as he could in the enclosed space. "Really, Kate? Don't you think this is a little beneath you. Be a big girl and trust me."

"If I trusted you I wouldn't be this nervous about where we're going and what we're doing."

His face must have shown the hurt her words caused in him because her face fell instantly.

"So you don't trust me?" he asked, still wounded.

She put her hand on his arm and gave him a warm smile. "Of course I trust you, always," she assured him. "You just have a knack for getting into trouble and I really want to enjoy my long weekend and not spend it trying to get you out of trouble," she tried to explain.

"There is no trouble. There won't be any trouble. This weekend is about rest and relaxation and we are going to the best place in the world to do that," he told her.

"And where would that be? Are we going to the Hamptons? Is that it?"

"We are not going to the Hamptons. Alexis and her sorority sisters are using the house this weekend. We are going somewhere you've never been before."

She huffed and sat back against the seat. "That leaves an awful lot of territory. I haven't been to many places."

"I know," he said, inching back towards her now that the assault was seemingly over and it appeared safe.

"Will you at least tell me what I'm supposed to do about clothes? I didn't pack a bag."

"I did. We have everything we need. You're all set." He was the one to come in closer this time and he brushed his lips against hers fleetingly. "Besides, if everything goes according to plan, you won't need much in way of clothes."

She smirked at that and rolled her eyes. "So your idea of rest and relaxation is for me to be naked all weekend?"

"It's certainly relaxing for me," he answered with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Now I see. This is all about you," she retorted, teasingly.

"Oh no." He shook his head. "This weekend is all about you. Every bit of it. I will tell you that where we're going there is a tub the size of a swimming pool and enough bubble bath and salts to fill it ten times over."

It was her weakness and he knew it. Kate never could resist a bubble bath. It was the one truly feminine thing about her.

She leaned towards him and gave him a quick kiss. "Alright, have it your way this time. But this better be good."

"It will be better than good. It's going to be amazing."

The plane ride, in a friend's private plane, was a long one and Kate was restless by the time they started their descent. She still had no idea where she was. It was a little unsettling. She wasn't good at putting herself in someone else's care, not even Rick's. Her control freak nature screamed at her to take charge and find out what was going on. But she was doing her best to fight it. Apparently, whatever was going on, it was important to him that she remain in the dark and she was determined to let him have his victory. She didn't let him have many of them.

A sudden violent bump caused her to look over at him and she searched his face, trying to get a read on his reaction to the jolt. He looked calm enough, but there was something in his eyes, artfully hidden in their depths that she didn't like.

"What was that?" she asked when it became apparent that he wasn't going to comment.

He shrugged in what was meant to be a casual motion. "I'm not sure. Probably just a little turbulence. We'll be on the ground soon. Just relax."

Another jolt sent her rocketing towards him and her body nearly folded in two around her seat belt at the same time. "Rick!" was her immediate response and he grabbed her hand in his and gave it a squeeze.

"How about I go up there and find out what's going on?" he suggested.

"Why don't you do that?" she answered through gritted teeth.

She didn't like flying much. Again, it was the control freak in her. She didn't like putting her life in someone else's hands. She didn't know the pilot. She had no idea whether she could trust him like that or not.

She had almost decided to go find out what was happening for herself when Rick emerged from the cockpit with a smile on his face.

"It's fine," he assured her. "Everything's fine. Just a little weather. We'll be on the ground in fifteen minutes."

"What is the name of the ground we'll be on?" she asked, as she relaxed visibly.

He returned to his seat and turned to her, taking her hand in his. "I guess it won't hurt to let you in on it now. We are going to Mi Cielo Azul."

"Never heard of it," she replied.

He smirked smugly. "Not many people have. A friend of mine owns it. It's a tiny little island off the coast of Belize. In fact, that is where we're heading now. Belize, that is. Then we'll take a boat to the island."

She sat up and gave him an astounded look. "A friend of yours owns an island off the coast of Belize and that's where we're going?"

"Yes, we are going to a friend's private island for a week of sun, relaxation and rest," he confirmed.

"And who else will be on this private island?"

"No one. Just you, me and the sun."

One of the things she still hadn't gotten used to in this relationship was the differences in their lifestyles. This wasn't her. She was a cop that practically lived paycheck to paycheck. She couldn't afford things like jetting off in a private plane to a private island for a vacation. Her idea of a vacation was a trip to the Holiday Inn or maybe a day at Coney island. This was all so foreign to her.

"What is that look for? Are you mad? I thought you'd like this and I wanted it to be special."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath trying to remove whatever look she was apparently giving him from her face. When she opened them again, he was watching her in concern. "I just can't believe you did all this. It's amazing."

His concern faded into a wide, brilliant smile. "No, it's not amazing yet. Just wait till you see the view from the bedroom balcony. Now that is amazing."

He was right. Two hours later, she was standing on that very balcony, looking out over an expanse of the bluest ocean she'd ever seen and sipping at a Mojito complete with a mint leaf sticking out of it. It was paradise and she was absolutely stunned at the grandeur of it all.

Rick had disappeared back to the kitchen to check on dinner, leaving her alone to take it all in. It was every bit as amazing as he'd claimed it to be. Beautiful beyond words.

She watched blissfully as the blue waters lapped at the white sand of the beach that was only feet from the house where she stood. The wind created a pleasant breeze that brought the saltiness of the ocean to her nose as well. A massive palm tree right off the balcony swayed in that breeze adding to the atmosphere.

She couldn't keep the soft smile from her lips. There was nothing she could do to fight it off. She couldn't remember ever feeling so relaxed and isolated. It was like they were the only two people in the world and nothing existed beyond them.

"Now that was the look I was hoping to see," Rick announced as he came up behind her and slid his arms around her waist, pulling her into his strong, bare chest.

He'd lost his shirt the moment they arrived and changed into a pair of tan cargo shorts that rode low on his hips. She'd replaced her navy suit with a red swimsuit he'd packed for her. Neither of them were planning on putting on any type of real clothing for the next few days and even that felt somehow relaxing.

"How could I not look like this?" she replied, snuggling further into his embrace. "Look at this place."

"I told you, did I not?"

She sat her empty glass down on the railing in front of her and turned in his arms, wrapping her own arms around his shoulders in the process. Then she leaned in and kissed him. "I love you," she said when she finally pulled away.

"Not as much as I love you," he answered. "And dinner is almost ready."

"Good, I'm starving."

He laughed and took her hand as he pulled out of her embrace. Then he led her back into the house. "Now we can't have that." He paused at the doorway of the bedroom and looked over at the huge, king-sized, four posted bed in the corner. "You need to keep your strength up. I intend to make good use of that later."

She followed his gaze to the bed as well then looked back at him with a smile. "Oh me, too. You have no idea what a treat you're in for tonight."

He laughed and pulled her along behind him. "I still have a few surprises of my own. Don't worry."

"I don't know, old man. I'm just hoping you'll be able to keep up with me."

He paused before they started to descend the wide, spiral staircase that lead downstairs. "Have I ever not been able to keep up with you?" he asked, pulling her into his chest and wrapping his arms around her.

"There's always a first time," she murmured against his lips before capturing them with hers.

Suddenly his face changed and his smile turned from wicked to whimsical. One of his hands came up to brush a strand of hair from her shoulders as he continued to look into her face and hold her close against him. She swallowed hard under his scrutiny and cleared her throat. "What is it?" she asked, having no idea what had invoked the sudden change.

"You," he answered, simply, quickly. "I'm not sure I've ever seen you like this before."

She felt the blush rising in her cheeks and she looked away from him coyly. "What do you mean?"

He paused as if he couldn't figure out which words he wanted to use to explain. "It's like you don't have a care in the world. Usually there is always something burdened about you, like there's a weight constantly pressing down on your shoulders. But now you seem..-" he paused again, then finally his smile widened as he found the perfect word. "lighter."

She couldn't fight off the smile that threatened to take over her face so she went with it and met his eyes again for an instant before leaning in to press her lips to his. "I feel lighter."

He laughed lightly and let her go before starting down the stairs. "You won't for long. Just wait until you taste this food."

She followed along behind him, practically skipping down the stairs. He was right. She hadn't really noticed it herself until he pointed it out, but she felt so carefree and unburdened.

Maybe it was the ocean air, or the fact that her entire life was so far away from her it couldn't possibly touch her here, or maybe it was the company. She was betting it was a combination of all three. But there was a vibrancy in her suddenly that she hadn't felt in longer than she could remember.

It was that vibrancy that inspired her next move. She quickened her step to catch up with him and stopped him with her hands on his shoulders. He was just about to turn towards her when she gave a little jump and wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders.

To his credit, he barely staggered under the sudden, unexpected weight of her body. It took him only a moment to shift her more comfortably on his hips.

They were both laughing as he took off towards the dining room with her riding on his back.

The dinner was everything he'd boasted about and more.  
>"This was delicious," she announced as she pushed her empty plate away and sat back with her wine glass. "I keep forgetting how well you know your way around the kitchen. "Of course I keep forgetting that you have a world class chef on speed dial, too."<p>

He laughed at that, but shook his head. "No, this wasn't from Bobby. This was the woman that came earlier to open the house. She prepared everything ahead of time. All I had to do was cook it."

She took a hearty gulp of her wine before sitting the glass down and further reclining in her chair. "This is amazing. I know I've already said that a few times-"

He tipped his glass in her direction before setting it down beside hers. "But it bears repeating."

She gave him a smile and a nod. She loved that. The connection between them had only grown stronger over the last year. She still couldn't believe it had taken her so long to let herself enjoy this thing between them. She couldn't believe she'd ever been scared of it. It was the one thing in the world that made her feel safe, knowing he was there, knowing he loved her, it made it all worth it.

She laughed inwardly at her own musings. She wasn't the gushy type or at least she hadn't ever been before. Since Rick Castle began sharing her life, she found herself to be rather soft in the middle.

"You know I might have had an ulterior motive for bringing you here," he announced rather dramatically.

She watched him get to his feet and she raised her eyebrows at him in question. "Is this the part where you have your wicked way with me?" she teased.

He stopped beside her chair and gave her a soft chuckle. "No, that part comes in just a little while. This is the part.." He paused to kneel down beside her chair and her heart immediately stopped beating in her chest. She suddenly knew exactly what was coming. It had been coming for a while now. Then, sure enough, just like she'd been expecting, he reached into his pocket and extracted a small black velvet box.

Everything inside her froze on the spot, like her brain hesitated for a moment so it could be sure to capture the moment in it's memory banks. She had always imagined that she would be terrified when faced with this, but now, looking the moment in the eye, she felt oddly at peace and full of something she couldn't hope to explain.

"See, Alexis has really gotten used to you being around and so has Mother." His tone thus far was light and airy. But suddenly it turned deadly serious and all signs of humor left his face. "And me, well, I don't even want to think about ever having to wake up without you beside me or go to sleep without you in my arms again. You know how much I love you, Kate. So," He popped open the ring box in his hand to display a beautifully clear, several carat diamond solitaire ring. Kate barely gave it a glance. It was stunning. There was no denying that, but it wasn't important enough to take her attention away from him. "I was thinking, if you haven't made any other plans, maybe you'd like to spend the rest of your life with me."

She was completely speechless, utterly unable to make her tongue move like she wanted it to. No air escaped her lungs. And apparently years of on the job training had made her far better at hiding her emotions than she'd ever given herself credit for. The hopeful optimism slid from his eyes to be replaced with wary uncertainty. She wanted to tell him everything was fine, but still nothing moved or obeyed her commands.

Then suddenly he was on his feet. "You can't seriously be considering saying no," he began to rant and pace at the same time. "Kate, this is getting ridiculous. I've been patient. I've been everything you've wanted me to be. And I've done all that gladly because it meant I got to have you in my life. But give me a break here. There is nothing else I can do to prove to you that we are meant to be together. We've come so far in this last year, I really thought we were past the point of doubts and uncertainty."

He finished his speech and left the room without giving her a chance to respond.

She found him only a few moments later with his back to her and his forearms resting against the rattan railing that surrounded the hardwood deck. She glanced at the clear blue water of the pool briefly as she passed it on her way to him.

The wind was blowing his hair around, pushing it into his eyes and causing him to squint as he stared out at the ocean beyond the beach.

He straightened at hearing her approach and turned to look at her.

"I wasn't going to say no. I wasn't even thinking about saying no," she announced, raising her voice to be heard over the wind and the surf. "I hadn't even considered maybe. I was just surprised."

His face registered shock for a moment, then self condemnation. "How could you be surprised? You had to know this was coming," he smiled sheepishly.

"I did. I just wasn't expecting it right then. It was my first proposal. I was a little caught off guard."

He rubbed his hand across his forehead. "And I hardly gave you a chance. Wow, that might be a little telling."

"It did kind of seem like you were expecting it," she nodded. "That speech sounded well rehearsed. Did you think I was going to say no?"

His back was resting against the railing now and she made no move to step any closer to him. So they stood there almost in arm's reach without closing the distance. That too, was very telling. Normally when they were alone they were always touching, even if it was in just the smallest way.

"I thought I was going to have to talk you into it," he admitted with a slight nod.

Her smile was soft and whimsical as she considered his words carefully.

"And that would have been okay with you? The fact that you had to convince me to marry you wouldn't have bothered you?" She wanted to know.

He crossed his arms over his chest and looked off over her shoulder for a moment before finding her eyes again. "It wouldn't have been ideal but I was prepared for it."

She took a deep breath, bracing herself for his answer to her next question. "Do you really think I still have so little faith in this, in us, that I would have thought about saying no?"

He dropped his arms to his sides. "Sometimes it's hard to tell where your head is, Katie. But I know this thing that we have is never going to go away. It's never going to change and I see no reason why we shouldn't get married and let the entire world know about it. I am so sure about us that I was completely prepared to talk you into it if I had to because I knew without a doubt that you would thank me later."

Her smile widened, but only slightly and only because she couldn't stop it. She was trying to play this cool. She stepped to the railing and looked out over the ocean mimicking the pose she'd found him in. She was suddenly very grateful she'd pulled her hair back or it would have been right in her face, just like his was.

He was watching her closely, looking for any signs of a response to his words. She redoubled her efforts to remain calm as he continued to scrutinize her.

"It's a beautiful night," she commented, glancing up at the myriad of stars over her head.

"Yes, it is," he nodded, stilling eying her suspiciously, trying to figure out where she was going with this sudden change of subject.

"You really couldn't ask for a more stunning location. I mean the waves, the ocean, all the stars, it's perfect."

It didn't take him long at all to catch on to her hints and the smile that spread across his face was the one he used when she surprised him. It was exactly what she was hoping for.

He had the ring box back in his hand when he stepped closer to her. Then he again bent to his knee and opened it. "Marry me, Kate."

She smiled as she looked down into his upturned face. "Absolutely, Rick, without even the slightest hint of hesitation."

He had her in his arms before she could blink. She hadn't thought him capable of moving so fast. "I love you," he said before kissing her breathless. "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions."

"It's okay," she whispered against his neck. "I know I make it really hard on you sometimes."

He pulled back and looked down at her. "That's crazy talk. You don't make things hard on me. You make everything easy."

She rolled her eyes and questioned his sanity when his face and tone told her he was being sincere and not sarcastic. "I love you," was the only response she could think of.

He stepped away from her and took her hand in order to gently slip the ring onto her finger.

Then he yanked her back into his body a trifle roughly and wiggled his eyebrows as he leered down at her. "Now's the part where I have my wicked way with you."

She leaned her face up to meet his lips and tighten her arms around him. "That is exactly what I was hoping you were going to say."

* * *

><p>AN : Hope you liked it. IF so, don't forget to push the little button and tell me so. And don't forget about gizzymoon dot blogspot for the lastest chapter of Evernights. Now up and loaded for you.


	7. The 'almost' night

The curve of her calf was one of his favorite parts of her, though it was impossible to narrow it down to just one. That particular favorite part was propped on the side of the nearly overflowing bathtub and covered in a sheen of wetness and a cascade of bubbles.

He entered the candlelit room slowly not wanting to disturb or startle her. Her head was back, lolling against the tub and her eyes were closed. He wondered if she might have fallen asleep until he noticed the corner of her lip quirk up.

"I'm not here to bother you," he announced, since his presence was no longer a secret. Still he kept his voice soft.

"You aren't bothering me. It's fine." She gave him a full smile now, but still didn't open her eyes.

He strolled to the side of the tub and sat on one of the steps. Then he leaned forward just enough to place a kiss against the back of her hand that was resting on the tub's rim. "Did you have a bad day?"

he asked.

Finally her eyes came open and she found him with her gaze. "I've been shopping with your mother all day. A bad day would have gone better," she muttered flippantly.

"She means well," he shrugged.

She chuckled. "I know she does. We just have very different tastes which makes it all more difficult."

He took her hand in his finally, deciding he really didn't care so much about getting wet if it meant he could touch her. "But ultimately the choice is all yours. You know that, right? Don't let her railroad you into something you don't want."

"That hasn't been so easy. She has a very definite idea about how everything should be and she isn't afraid to make her opinions known," she told him.

"It's YOUR wedding, Kate. She's had hers, plenty of them," he insisted.

She shrugged and pulled her free hand out of the tub so she could wipe some water off her cheek. "I know but all this stuff matters to her. The dress, the flowers, the food, the where and the when. All I really care about is the who."

He smiled at that and raised her hand to kiss it again.

"Speaking of the who, why are you still so over-dressed? I'm pretty sure that shirt is dry clean only. You can't wear it in here with me," she murmured invitingly.

It was all the incentive he needed. He was out of his clothes in flash, tossing each article off without care about where it landed.

"I knew I could entice you," she smiled, seductively.

He was sliding into the tub behind her now and once he was settled, he wrapped his arms around her and drew her back into his chest. "You entice me everyday, all the time, just by being you."

She sighed and snuggled further into him, making herself comfortable using him as a pillow. "I love you," she said on the tail end of the sigh.

"I love you, too," he replied, letting his lips brush over her ear as he spoke. "And I've missed you today."

"Really?" She drew her arm up around him and buried her fingers in his slightly damp hair. "I would have thought you'd been too busy finishing the book to miss me." He flinched without meaning to and tried to hide it, but as usual she didn't miss a thing.

"You didn't finish the book?"

"Not yet," he muttered. "But I will. I'm just a little stuck on the ending."

She turned towards him, slopping water as she moved. "You promised the book would be finished before we go on our honeymoon."

"It will be," he assured her. "I still have time. It isn't like we're getting married tomorrow."

They both started and looked around as the bathroom door started to slowly open. A moment later, a black nose slipped around the side of the door.

"Go lay down, Bax," Rick told the dog before he could come inside and join them.

Baxter ignored him as usual and slipped into the room with the entire back half of him wagging joyfully. He trotted to the side of the tub, sniffed Kate's hand for a moment, licked it then moved a little closer to the water.

"No, Baxter." Kate warned the curious, fifty pound puppy.

The large dog ignored her, too and crept a little closer to the tub. Finally, he laid down on the top step of the bathtub and put his head on his huge paws while he watched Rick and Kate closely.

They watched him as well for a moment before deciding he wasn't going to do any harm and turning back to each other.

"So the book?" Kate said, reminding Rick of what they were talking about, as if he were likely to forget.

He took her hand once again and again, brought it to his lips. "The book," he murmured against her palm, "will be done," he continued moving his lips to her wrist, "before we leave," he punctuated each fragment of his sentence with a kiss to skin, "for our honeymoon." He finished at the inside of her elbow and stopped there to lay several open mouth kissed to the tender flesh there. It was one of her weaknesses. He knew it and he was hoping the distraction would pay off. He didn't want to talk about the book anymore.

"Rick," she whispered, breathlessly.

He grinned in triumph as he shifted her so he could get to her neck.

"You're trying to distract me," she murmured as she let her head fall back to give him best access.

He smiled against her skin as he continued to pepper it with kisses. "Is it working?"

"Yes," she groaned, burying her hand in his hair and pulling him closer.

His hands moved from her waist, coming up to cup her soapy breasts and he sighed as the soft flesh slid against his palm. Taking a deep breath, he reveled in the smell of lavender that surrounded them and tried not to think about the fact that he would be smelling like a girl for the rest of the night.

She shifted, trying to turn in his arms. When she did, it sent water spilling over the side of the tub.

He barely registered the fact that Baxter had jumped to his feet at the feel of the water hitting him. He was too preoccupied with her tongue which had found his ear.

A moment later, they both jumped as they were suddenly assaulted by fifty pounds of flying fur and muscle when the rambunctious Dalmatian decided to join them.

It took over an hour to get the bathroom back in order. Everything, including his now ruined, dry-clean only shirt, was soaked, from the plush white carpet to the ceiling.

Baxter had been banned to the balcony while the clean-up took place. The last Rick saw he was laying in his doghouse, a fitting place for him, with his head on his paws looking mournfully sorry at a very angry Kate.

Once they finished showering off the dog hair that had inevitably filled the tub once the dog joined them, and were dry again, Kate had donned his favorite gown, a champagne-colored, strappy little thing made of silk that clung to her curves and hit her right at the top of her thighs.

He smiled wistfully as he watched her moving about getting ready to join him in their bed, and thought once again, about how very, very lucky he was. It still amazed him. She still amazed him and the fact that he could rightfully call her his was beyond imagining.

"It's still creepy," she muttered as she ran a brush through her long, brown hair.

"What's that?" he asked.

"You staring at me like that. It was creepy three years ago and it's still creepy now," she smiled, letting him know that secretly she found it anything but creepy.

He shifted, turning on his side so he could see her better. "You know you like it when I stare."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, maybe a little."

She started to walk around the bed, going to her side, but stopped at the foot.

He turned again, resting his back against the propped up pillows that sat against the headboard, his eyes trained on her every move.

"We were talking about something when we were so rudely interrupted," she told him. "Do you remember what was?"

Damn, she was back on the book again. He sent a silent curse to the balcony, feeling like his best friend had betrayed him. "I told you, the book-"

The rest of whatever he was going to say was cut off when instead of moving to her side of the bed, she began to crawl up the foot of the bed at his feet. "I think we were done talking about the book," she murmured, stopping to place a kiss to his thigh.

He shuddered as her lips brushed his skin.

She didn't just slid up the bed towards him, she slivered, like a snake, wiggling just enough as she moved to completely command his attention. Her hands moved slowly as she skimmed them up his thighs. She glided her them under the leg of his boxers and let her fingers brush against his length, making him gasp as electricity shot through his body. Her hands were moving again, this time, not stopping until she reached the waistband of his boxers. Once there, she slipped her fingers under the band and inched them away from him. He raised his hips enough to aid her progress and after they were gone she paused for a moment to look up at him and smile. "I don't know why we bother putting on clothes to go to bed. They never last long. Seems like a waste of laundry to me."

He sat up and leaned far enough forward to get to her lips. After kissing her, he dragged his mouth away from her lips and smiled against the skin of her shoulder. "We can stop. There's no law that says we have to wear anything to bed. You're right, seems like a waste to me, too."

"Alright," she beamed at him as she sat back on her knees and yanked the gown from her body, slipping it off in one fluid motion and tossing it to the floor behind her. "It's decided then. From now on, no pajamas."

He cupped her breasts in his palms and thought about how much he liked the new plan.

"Excuse me," she admonished him out of the blue. He glanced up in confusion, thinking he hadn't done anything wrong. She gave his shoulder a shove, sending him back against the pillows. "This was my show. You can't just take over like that."

He chuckled and folded his arms behind his head. "I'm so sorry. I certainly didn't mean to interrupt or take over in any way."

It had taken him a while to get used to this side of the woman he knew so well. Once this part of their relationship started, he was surprised and more than a little pleased by it. He hadn't really known what he expected her to be like in bed. He had spent years imagining it. Every new thing he learned about her during that time changed his perception just a little, but nothing had prepared him for how she was in reality.

Kate was a passionate woman. He had known that. It was the way she expressed that passion that caught him off guard. She had such a problem dealing with emotions under normal circumstances, he figured that difficulty would lapse over into the bedroom. But there was nothing shy about Kate when she was like this. She was just as perfectly suited to him here as she was everywhere else. At times, she was happy to yield to him and let him have control. It was the one place she didn't seem to mind letting him be in charge. At other times, like now, she was all about getting her way. He was more than content to let her have it whenever she wanted it.

She sat on her knees, perched right between his own and looked down at him with smoldering hazel eyes. He loved that look, the hungry, wanton look that he knew was reserved just for him. He was the only person in the world that got to see her like this and he reveled in that fact. He might have to share her with everyone else outside of these walls, but this was all for him.

Her hands came back to his, now bare, thighs and she glided them upwards ever so slowly. His eyes were glued to her hands, watching every move she made with great anticipation.

When she found his length again, this time wrapping her hand around him and giving a squeeze, he was panting and his hips bucked into her involuntarily.

She used her free hand to hold him down to the mattress as she started to lean forward.

He could already feel her breath skimming against his skin.

And then her phone rang.

His joined hers a moment later and they gave each other a disheartened smile before reaching for the devices.

"Lanie," she told him over her shoulder as she pushed the talk button on her cell.

"Javi," he replied, from his position perched on the opposite side of the bed from her. He had his back to her as he answered his phone and brought it to his ear.

"Bro, we're at the hospital." Javier Esposito announced before he had a chance to say anything.

"We're on our way," He heard Kate say from across the room.

He quickly repeated those words to Javier before hanging up and turning to find her crawling over to his side of the bed again. Once she reached him, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and leaned in close. Instead of kissing him like he was expecting, she grasped his bottom lip between her teeth for a moment before switching to sucking on it instead.  
>By the time she pulled away, all thoughts of friends and babies and labor were erased from his brain and he was left with nothing but her.<p>

"This baby has the worst timing in the world," she muttered as she started to move away, raking her nails down his back before she left. She stopped on the other side of the bed and turned back to him. "This isn't over," she assured him.

He thought about leaving it at that. It was a good line. He could let her have it and go about getting his clothes together. But that just wasn't him. Last lines were his thing.

He grabbed her as she started past him on her way to the bathroom and pulled her into him, crushing her to his chest before kissing the breath completely out of her. "When we get back here, I'm going to make you forget your name," he told her, fully confident that he had the ability to accomplish the task.

Her nails were at his back again, sliding along his skin as she arched her chest into his and found his neck with her lips. "I'm not sure you can handle me tonight,Old Man," she murmured against his skin. Then she nipped him. "But you can give it a try," she added before pulling out of his arms and disappearing into the bathroom.

Okay, that was a good last line.

They stumbled back into their loft four hours later, the happy Godparents to a beautiful baby girl with Javier's eyes and her mother's temper. Alejandra Katia Esposito had cried from the moment she was born until her new Godparents had bid everyone goodnight and bowed out of the room.

Kate had grown quiet on the way to the loft. He had been looking forward all evening to getting her back home where they could pick up where they left off, but now there seemed to be a cloud of something hanging over her and he feared his plans might be in jeopardy.

He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Everything alright?" he asked, quietly.

She glanced at him for a moment before nodding. "Everything's fine. Why ? Does it seem like everything isn't alright?"

He let her hand go and moved it to her shoulder where he brushed a stray lock of hair out of his view of her face. "What's bothering you?"

"It's nothing, really," she answered, waving off his concern.

"Kate?" he pushed.

She moved down the hall with him following right behind her. Once in the bedroom, she closed the door behind him and he heard the lock click in place.

They lived alone now. Alexis and Martha both had places of their own, one just down the street, the other on the opposite side of the country. But experience had taught them both that it was better to be safe than sorry.

He glanced over at her in surprise while shucking his jacket from his shoulders and tossing it in the chair in the corner.

Her back was against the door and her eyes were glued to him, watching him with that look again, the dark, sultry, hooded look that turned his knees to jelly from the first time he saw it. They had been undercover at a poker game that night. He was pretty sure that was the night his crush on Kate Beckett began.

And nearly five years later, it still had the same effect.

His jaw dropped open when she raised her hand and slowly, so very tantalizingly slowly, began to pull the straps of her shirt from her shoulders, reveling nothing but bare skin underneath. She was still watching him as she slipped out of her jeans in the same way.

She stepped out of the pile of clothes at her feet and moved towards him like she was on the prowl and had decided to make him her prey.

His fingers absentmindedly worked at the buttons of his shirt as he held her gaze while she continued to move closer to him. By the time she reached him, it was hanging lose on his shoulders and she made short work of sliding the rest of the way off. Then she grabbed his wrists and moved both hands up his arms lingeringly, like she was enjoying the feel of his skin, until they were buried in his hair and her body was flush against his.

He groaned in the back of his throat as he looked down at her.

"What do you say, are you still up for giving me a try?" she asked with her lips over his chest.

His knees almost buckled. Deciding it would be far better to show her that he planned to do more than try, he snatched her to him and kissed her with everything in him.

"Richard!"

They both turned their heads towards the bedroom door in unison and he sighed as he recognized his mother's voice calling out to him.

"Oh, for God's sake!" Kate muttered under her breath.

He reconsidered letting her go but at the last second changed his mind and instead, used his arms that were wrapped around her to lead her over to the bed. Once there, he sat her on the side of it and gave her a stern look. "Do not move! This won't take long. I promise," he told her.

Her hand slipped from where it was still resting on his shoulder to slid down the length of his chest. She stopped at the waistband of his slacks and paused there for just a moment before moving further down his body until her was gripping his length through the material of his pants.

He shuddered at the unexpected, sudden contact and barely managed to contain the gasp that was threatening to escape his parted lips. "It better not," she answered him as she gave him a squeeze.

True to his word, he was ushering his mother out the front door in less than fifteen minutes. She had only stopped by looking for some old head shots of hers. Once she found them, she was gone with a promise to be back first thing in the morning to hit the pavement with Kate again in preparations for the wedding.

It would have been the perfect time to talk to her about all the wedding plans and about how pressured Kate was feeling over them, but the pressing issue of his fiance waiting, naked and ready, for him in the bedroom overrode his need to talk and he just nodded and smiled before closing the door behind Martha.

"See," he announced with a flourish as he swung open the bedroom door in triumph. "I told you it wouldn't take-" He stopped talking the moment he spotted her.

She was laying on her side, her hands tucked under the side of her face and her knees bent just slightly.

For one bizarre instant, it reminded him of the way Alexis used to sleep when she was little. And that was exactly what Kate was doing, sleeping, apparently fairly soundly as he hadn't woken her with his dramatic entrance.

He mumbled a curse under his breath. The frustration of the night was getting to him, but there was no way he was going to wake her up. She slept so little as it was. It always amazed him how she managed on the little snippets of rest she allowed herself. Four, maybe five hours a night was all she normally got and he knew if it were him trying to make it on so little he'd never survive.

He flipped off the overhead light which was still shining down on her and went to the balcony to let the dog in. After making sure he had food and water he returned to the bedroom to find that she hadn't moved a muscle in his absence.

In keeping with the new nighttime plan they had instituted only hours earlier, he shed his clothing and slipped into the bed beside her. She roused fractionally at feeling the bed shift under his weight, but not enough to wake her. She was lying on top of the bed's coverings and he thought about how she might become cold later in the night, so he flipped the comforter off of himself and covered her with it instead. Then he settled into a more comfortable position and tried to find some sleep himself.

He wasn't sure what had woken him. A quick glance at the window told him it was far from daylight still, yet something had dragged him from a particularly lovely dream in which he and Kate were finishing what they had attempted to start many times the night before. Apparently, even in his dreams the universe was conspiring against him.

He blinked groggily and had almost gotten his hand to his eyes where he was planning to rub away the last vestiages of sleep when a hand tightened on his thigh and he felt himself being immediately engulfed in a warm, wet mouth.

He gasped loudly in a mixture of surprise and pleasure as he glimpsed down to find Kate. Her hand was wrapped tightly around the base of his length and she locked her eyes onto his as she slowly ran her tongue up the underside of him.

He fought the urge to thrust his hips towards her and his hands, which were resting at his sides, suddenly fisted into the sheet covering the mattress beneath him.

"Morning," she smiled, her warm breath coasting over the tip of him and sending a shiver through his entire body. " I thought you were never going to wake up."

"Oh, I'm awake now," he chuckled.

"Good," she murmured as she rose up and began to slither her way up his body. "I was going to let you sleep, but I just couldn't help myself," she explained when she settled with her legs straddling his waist.

Her lips found his and she kissed him lingeringly.

"I never mind waking up like that," he smiled at her.

She nodded. "Something told me you wouldn't."

She shifted and before he knew what was happening, she was sliding onto him so slowly it felt as if the moment stretched out forever. Once she had him as deeply as she could get him in her position, she paused there, and he sighed in contentment at the feel of her surrounding him so completely.

She leaned forward to find his lips with hers and it sent her hair tumbling forward as well. And suddenly he truly was surrounded by her. Her hair shielded his view of everything besides her. Her scent filled him up. Her body tightened around him. Her breath brushed his cheek as a tiny little gasp escaped her lips when she shifted her hips just marginally.

His arms slipped around her and he tightened his hold immediately, bringing her flush against his chest, clutching her as tightly to him as he dared. "God, I love you," he whispered into the bend of her neck.

She kissed him again, before smiling and saying, "I know."

When their gazes locked, they never faltered again. They watched each other closely in the near darkness, studying with hypnotized wonder every look that passed between them. The only illumination in the room came from the moonlight pouring in through the darkness, but it was enough.

There never was a frenzied moment of unrest, never a desperate need for release, never a helpless hunger that drove them towards finality like there normally was between them. This time was different. When she clutched his shoulders, it was out of emotional overload, not lust. When he gasped out loud, it was because the look in her eyes shook him to his core. And when their end came, it didn't knock their world off its axis. Instead it flowed over them like the tide rolling onto a sandy beach.

They laid there quietly in the dark, the only sound the soft pants coming from both of them as they tried to steady their breathing.

It seemed like an eternity before she raised her head from the center of his chest and found his eyes again. She opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but closed it again before any words could come out. When she repeated the motion a few more times, he tightened his arms around her and gave her a concerned look.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" he asked, trying to prompt her into saying whatever she was trying to say.

"I love you," she said finally. But he knew even as the words left her, that statement wasn't the cause of her hesitation. They were so far beyond that it was silly to even remember a time when the words didn't come so easily for her.

He nodded in response. "And I love you, too." He changed his tone, letting her know that he wanted her to go on.

She shifted, moving off of him and coming to rest at his side. Once she was positioned with her body stretched along the length of his, he moved his arm around her and pulled her into his side.

"What is it?" he asked again.

"There's nothing wrong," she assured him. "At least I don't think so and I'm pretty sure you aren't going to think so, either."

"Then what's the problem? Just tell me."

She hesitated again before looking up at him. "I wasn't going to say anything yet, not after last time."

"Last time for what?" he pushed, turning slightly so he could see her better.

She brushed her hair from her face with a quick motion of her hand and looked away from his face, finding a spot on his bare chest to stare at instead. "Let me explain," she began.

"Please do because now you're worrying me."

"I know how disappointed you were last time and I figured if I didn't tell you for a while, if something did go wrong, you wouldn't have to go through that whole thing again. So it isn't like I was considering keeping things from you." She paused and reconsidered. "Okay, I was thinking about keeping it from you, but not maliciously. I just thought that if something went wrong you wouldn't have to go through all that again."

She was playing idly with the hair on his chest, running her fingers through it as she spoke in an absentminded fashion. He reached his free hand out and grabbed hers in it. When he did, her eyes finally shot to his face.

"Are you pregnant?" he asked, having already deduced the answer from her ramblings.

She nodded slowly as she bit down on her bottom lip.

"And you weren't going to tell me? You know that the huge flaw in your plan is the fact that I would have noticed all by myself eventually. It isn't really something you can hide for long," he smiled at her.

She rolled her eyes. "I was going to tell you before you noticed."

"How long have you known?" he asked, not anger, but curious.

"Just a few days," she answered.

He grew silent for a moment while he looked at her closely.

"Nothing is going to go wrong this time," he assured her because the look on her face showed a touch of worry and unease.

"You're right. Nothing is going to happen to this baby," she answered firmly, confidently.

He smiled as the words left her lips. 'this baby'. They were going to have a baby. Kate was going to have his baby. He couldn't imagine anything more perfect. He opened his mouth to tell her how much he loved her but she cut him off before he had a chance.

"You don't have to worry. I'm already at my desk. I haven't been out in the field in days now," she told him.

"I was going to tell you that I love you, but that's good to know."

She shifted in order to get to his mouth and kissed him softly with a smile on her lips.

"We're going to have a baby," she beamed at him when she pulled away.

He tightened his arm around her and beamed right back at her. "We're going to have a baby," he replied.


	8. Here and Now

The city stretched out below her like a vast jungle of buildings and concrete. Cars moved along the massive road system and from her view on the balcony several stories above they looked as if they were crawling by in slow motion. It was deceptively quiet up here in her hiding spot, though she knew the hustle and bustle down below was nearly deafening.

She really did love the city. New York was more than her home, it was her place in the world and she fit here. It suited her, all the noise, the commotion, the activity. She had never known anything other than this and she really didn't want to. There was nothing she could ever need that she couldn't find right at her feet.

She had no idea what brought the thoughts to her mind. Avoidance of the real problems filling her head was her best guess. She didn't want to think about flowers, or cakes, or dresses. This was never her dream. She just wanted quiet and intimate. Other than her father and a handful of aunts and uncles, she had no real family to make a spectacle for. She had no desire to share her day with hundreds of people she had never met before.

But she was having trouble saying no for some reason. Not to Martha. No, Rick's overbearing mother, she could handle. It was Lanie and Alexis that were making it impossible for her to put her foot down and say 'enough'. She knew they were just trying to make her happy, but it seemed like every time she looked away for an instant, the whole affair grew by leaps and bounds.

Now instead of a quiet ceremony in the church where she and family had attended services as a child, one of the largest cathedrals in the city had been reserved. Instead of the simple, elegant champagne colored dress she'd originally picked out, a crazy, massive, custom-made thing had been ordered with more sequins and lace and brocade than she'd ever choose for herself. The thing had a freaking hoop skirt and laces up the back, stays in the front and a train. It had a train, for God's sake.

Her tasteful, classic choice of pink and white tulips for flowers had been vetoed in lieu of huge, monstrous arrangements of Calla lilies (which she hated) and roses in an array of colors that nearly overloaded the senses.

She sighed heartily and glanced up at the sky, briefly wondering what her mother would have thought about the whole affair. Would she have approved of all the fanfare and fuss, or would she have been on Kate's side, thinking the whole thing was over the top and completely out-of-hand?

She hoped she would have been on her side. She hoped she _was_ on her side, up there, looking down on her and totally understanding Kate's feelings. There didn't seem to be anyone else on her side.

Rick had been so occupied with finishing the latest Nikki Heat book that he hadn't really noticed what was happening all around him and she wasn't about to interrupt him to fill him in. It was at her insistence that he was making the effort to cap it off before they went on their honeymoon.

She just didn't want anything hanging over their heads while they were gone. She wanted nothing pressing, no obligations, no looming worries. It was the one thing she was holding on to. If she could just get to through the whole wedding fiasco, they would be gone and away for a month, all alone. That was something no one had been able to touch. She'd had all the say in the honeymoon arrangements and she intended to keep it that way.

They were returning to the place where Rick had proposed. Going back to his friend's private island in the middle of nowhere, where no one and nothing could touch them. It was all she wanted, a month of feeling like they were the only two people in the world.

She placed a hand on her stomach as she considered the fact that it might be a very, very long time before they got that chance again.

They hadn't told anyone why they suddenly decided to move up the wedding date and the rush hadn't sparked as much curiosity as she thought it might. No one had questioned the motivation behind the move and she was grateful. She wasn't ready to share this with the world yet.

Her friends and co-workers, Ryan and Esposito were the two people she feared would figure out their little secret before she wanted it known. But they were both so preoccupied with their own lives, both new parents again, Ryan for the second time and Esposito and Lanie for the first, that it hadn't occurred to them to question the fact that Kate was suddenly working exclusively from behind a desk.

She turned abruptly towards the balcony door when she heard it begin to slid open. She thought for a moment about trying to hide behind one of the huge planters that decorated the space, but she abandoned the idea on the basis that it was childish and very much beneath her. She didn't hide. She didn't run away. That wasn't her at all.

Still it was with a great sigh of relief that she recognized her soon-to-be husband stepping out of the loft and sliding the door back into place behind him.

"I thought I might find you here. I've looked everywhere else," he commented casually as he came to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "What are you doing out here? Do you have any idea what is happening back inside?"

She nodded once very precisely and tried to hide her grimace. "Yes, I do and that is why I'm out here."

"There is cake everywhere, samples of food on every available surface and where there isn't food, there are baskets of things I don't even recognize and flowers – my God, the flowers," he lamented.

"I know and again, that's why I'm out here," she replied.

"How did this happen? I thought we were just having a few people at a little church and a small little reception here. Did you really let my mother take over?"

She laughed despite her mood. "No, it wasn't all your mother. I can handle your mother. It's your daughter that got me."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Alexis is responsible for all this?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, Martha is definitely egging her on. She's figured out that while I can say no to her, I can't seem to say no to Alexis."

"She is a sneaky one. That's where I get it," he smiled. Then his expression changed and he was suddenly studying her very closely. "Are you okay with all this? I mean, really okay? Is this what you want?"

She thought about lying to him, but she knew he'd never buy it. "I can be okay with this. I'll get through it."

He stepped back and again eyed her critically. "I don't want you to just get through it, Kate. This is your wedding, the only one you are ever going to get."

She smiled at the confidence in which he made the statement and knew he was right. There would never be another chance for her to have the wedding she'd always dreamed of. Once this was done, it was over. There would be no do-overs for her. She knew in the pit of her soul that she was going to spend the rest of her life with the man in front of her and she loved the fact that he felt the same way. There were no doubts between them, no questions. There hadn't been in so long, she could scarcely remember a time when they were there.

"We are getting married in two days. There is little I can do to change any of it now," she told him, though the disappointment was evident in her voice despite her efforts to hide it.

He shook his head scornfully. "No, this isn't right. I won't have you looking back on our wedding day and wishing it had been different."

"How do you propose we fix it now? Everything is already arranged."

He stuck his hand into his pocket and extracted his cellphone. After glancing down at it for a moment and hitting the screen a couple of times, he brought it to his ear and began to pace away from her.

The call was a short one and she hadn't been able to tell much about what he was thinking from his end of the conversation. He had that look on his face, the look that always made her nervous. The one that said he was planning something she might not approve of.

"Who are you calling?" she asked when she could no longer take the suspense. She'd hoped he would tell her on his own without her having to ask, but instead on enlightening her, he started to make another call.

He held his hand up in gesture that said he'd tell her in a moment and began to talk into the phone again. Another short call, terse, blunt and to the point. All she heard him say was, "I'm at the loft. Kate and I need you. Can you get away for a little while?"

One more call, this one a little more formal and explanatory (something about needing some sort of services) and he was turning back to her, giving her his full attention as he slipped the phone back into his pocket.

"Marry me," he said simply.

"I plan to. I think you must have missed a memo. Our wedding is what has thrown up all over our apartment," she told him.

He stepped to her and enfolded her in his arms. "I mean right now, today, in a few minutes, actually."

"What!" she gasped in surprise, completely taken off guard by his suggestion.

"I just called Javi and Lanie. They're on their way. My mother and Alexis are inside. Your father is a phone call away. The minister is on his way, too. One more call will have Ryan and Jenny here as well," he pushed. "Can you think of anyone else you want here with us for this?"

She shook her head numbly. She couldn't think of one other person she wanted here, not one that could actually attend, she amended as she glanced upwards again. Her mother and Roy Montgomery were the only people missing from his guest list.  
>"What about all the plans, all the arrangements? Alexis will be so disappointed," she argued.<p>

He chuckled. "When it comes time for Alexis to do this, she can have whatever she wants. I'll personally see it that she gets everything she's ever dreamed of. You know I will. I am the poster boy for fathers that go overboard." He tightened his hold on her. "But this time isn't about what Alexis wants. It's about what you and I want and we don't want this."

"What will we tell everyone?" she asked, warming to the idea he was presenting her with.

He laughed and kissed her. "We tell them we just couldn't wait any longer. They all know me. They'll understand."

She couldn't help but smile back at him. "I still have my first dress. I loved it so much I couldn't bear to send it back yet."

"Perfect!" he beamed. "You go get dressed and I'll meet you right here in an hour."

"What about all the superstitions? I'm afraid you've seen just about every part of me today what with this morning and all," she teased.

He leered at her shamelessly. "You didn't really think I had any intention of not spending the night before our wedding with you, did you?" he asked. "I made a promise to myself the day you said yes to marrying me that I would never spend another night of my life without you sleeping right beside me."

She felt tears stinging her eyes at his confession. She was lightly fiddling with the lapel of his jacket as she thought about everything from every angle.

"What was it that Harry told Sally?" he mused. "_When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start right then_."

"As soon as possible," she corrected him.

"What?" he asked confused by her statement.

"_You want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible_," she clarified.

He bent his head and kissed her gently. "Yes, I do. And as soon as possible is an hour away. So marry me. Now. Right now."

"I'll be here," she told him finally with a roll of her eyes.

"I'll make the rest of the phone calls and get everything ready," he assured her.

Then he kissed her for all she was worth before turning and leaving her again.

Richard Castle had never failed to surprise her. He had wasted little time in explaining everything to everyone and Alexis and Martha had descended on her almost before she had a chance to pull the garment bag containing her original wedding dress from the back of the closet. They were joined a short time laterby Lanie, with two week old Alejandra in tow.

The three of them set upon her like a pack of crazed stylists with curling irons, makeup brushes and pins for her hair. She let them without argument. She felt a million times lighter now that the enormous weight of the overblown wedding was off her shoulders.

She should have known Rick would fix everything. He always did. He might not see things like this as him being a hero, but he was. He was her hero, always riding to her rescue when she truly needed it most. And what was more was that he had made it all seem like his idea alone. He took full responsibility for the sudden change in plans, telling them all, just like he'd promised, that he just couldn't wait any longer and leaving her completely blameless for all the hard work that had been wasted. God, she loved that man.

Alejandra had begun to get fussy, so Alexis and Lanie took her out of the room, going off to find her diaper bag and leaving Kate and Martha alone in the bedroom.

Martha had grown so quiet that Kate almost forgot she was there as she stared at herself in the full length, antique mirror that sat in the corner of the room. Her hand had once again fallen almost involuntarily to her stomach as she watched herself.

When the older woman stirred behind her, Kate, who had been very cautious about making such moves, tried to play it off by smoothing the satin material of her dress over her form.

"It's fine," Martha commented as she stepped up over her shoulder. "It doesn't show a bit, although if you had waited just a few more weeks it would be a different story."

Kate found Martha's gaze in the mirror with wide-eyed shock. They thought they had been so careful.

Martha waved her off. "Oh please, I know everything. You have to learn to stay on your toes when you're raising a child like Rick. I take it no one else knows?"

Kate nodded still a little numb with shock.

"Well then, let me be the first to say, Congratulations and above all, good luck. Alexis is the exception, not the rule when it comes to us Rodgers. You are in for the ride of your life."

Kate couldn't help but laugh at that.

She started to play with the wide straps of Kate's gown. "You know, I always knew he would find you eventually. He spent a lot of years floundering. I'm glad you finally caught up to him."

"I always knew I'd find him, too. It just took me a while to realize he was the one I'd been searching for," Kate answered. "I wasn't expecting it to be him."

"He has a way of doing that, sneaking up on you. One day, you can't stand him, the next you can't stand to be without him," Martha reasoned.

"That's certainly true," Kate agreed.

She gave the gown one last tug before going to the chair and perching on the edge of it. "I'm sorry," she told her earnestly.

Kate looked at her in surprise again. "What are you sorry for?"

Martha glanced away for a moment before looking back at her soon-to-be daughter-in-law. "I'm sorry I got so out of hand over the wedding. I just wanted it to be something you would never forget."

Kate went to her and put her hand on her shoulder comfortingly. "It will be and believe me, I will never forget how hard you worked to make it that way. You've made this whole thing not so bad. I thought it would be terrible, you know, because I was all alone." She paused, trying to control the tears that were once again threatening to fall and this time, ruin her makeup. "But you filled the void."

Martha shook her head and placed her hand over Kate's where it still rested on her shoulder. "I could never come close to filling the void left by your mother."

Kate bent and gently kissed her cheek. "Oh, that's not true. You come very, very close."

She had no idea how he had managed it at first. But one look at the ragged, tired faces of Kevin Ryan and Javier Esposito told her exactly how he had done it. He'd either threatened, bribed, browbeaten, or blackmailed their two friends into doing his dirty work while he showered and got changed.

They both waved her off when she asked them which one it was.

"We volunteered. He was going to do it all himself, but he was a mess. So we sent him off to get presentable while we took care of things," Javier explained.

"We couldn't let him get married like that. You wouldn't have wanted him," Kevin agreed.

Kate laughed. "I'd have taken him covered in mud at this point."

"Now that would have been hard to explain in the wedding pictures," Lanie smiled as she came up to them.

"There will be pictures?" Kate asked. It was one of the things she'd thought of while getting ready. The photographer wouldn't be there to capture any of it.

Alexis came up with her digital camera in her hand and nodded. "I'm in charge. Don't worry I won't miss a thing. There will be plenty of pictures."

"And video," Javier announced. "I set the recorder up myself. It's all taken care of."

Martha strolled up to them looking just as quiet and serene as she had in the room earlier. "We even have the reception all ready. Food, music and drinks. Richard called the bartender from the Haunt and he will be here before the ceremony is over to attend to the bar. He's paying him overtime for it, so please everyone make sure he earns his money."

He had literally thought of everything. But then, of course, he had.

She glanced around and realized that there was still one person missing from the proceedings and it was the one person she wouldn't be able to do this without. "My father?" she questioned the people surrounding her.

Jenny, Kevin's wife, appeared at just that moment with her father trailing behind her. "is right here," she announced, juggling a struggling baby on her hip as she moved towards them.

"Katie," the man in question breathed in awe as he held his arms out for her.

She went to him quickly and let him wrap her up in his embrace.

"Be careful," Lanie warned. "Don't mess anything up. We worked hard to make you this perfect."

"My Katie is perfect no matter how she looks," he protested. Then he pulled away to look at her. "You are the spitting image of your mother. She would have been so proud."

She played with her dress for a moment, smoothing a wrinkle here and tugging a strap there. "Do you think?" she asked, apprehensively.

"I know," he concluded without hesitating. "I wasn't sure about the other plans. It just didn't feel like you, but this," he gestured around at the balcony where everything had been set up and decorated. "she would have loved this."

She hugged him, thanking him silently for his words of encouragement. She thought she heard the camera making a clicking noise and when she pulled away, Alexis was playing with it, so she knew she'd gotten a picture.

"I'm going to go check on the groom. See if I can't move this along," Martha offered before sweeping back into the house.

"Let's get everyone in their places," Lanie instructed, signaling the two men, Javier and Ryan to go stand next to where the minister was already standing, waiting for things to begin.

Then she ushered Alexis, Kate's father, and Kate back into the house.

"How do we know where our places are?" Kate asked. "We sort of skipped the rehearsal."

Lanie shook her head. "You've seen this done. You were there when I got married, when Ryan got married. I know you've been to more weddings than that. It isn't that hard."

She didn't have the first clue how she came to be standing where she was, seeing what she was seeing. She tried to retrace her steps, then put together the series of circumstances that had ultimately combined in just the right way at just the right time to make everything happen exactly how it had.

There had to be a first step, something that put her on the path to lead her to this destination. And it seemed vitally important for her to deduce what that first step had been.

She could hear the music swelling in the next room and she knew it was her cue. It was the moment she had waited a lifetime for, her moment in time. The perfect conclusion to everything she'd worked so hard for. It seemed silly that this had always been her ultimate goal, her end game. Surely there were things more important than this, goals far more meaningful and vital to the world, and she had those, too.

But somehow even while she worked towards those other things, the more important things, the things that she wanted to be known for, none of them seemed nearly as crucial as what she was about to do.

It wouldn't matter to the world at large. In fact, really there were only two people in the entire world that her goal would impact at all. But to her, it was life-altering. To her, there would never be anything in her life that was as monumental as what she was about to do.

That thought did nothing to stop the shaking of her hands, nor did it help to diminish her rapid heartbeat. The whole thing was so not her. She had never been one to be the center of attention. She was more the waiting in the background type. She did her best to blend whenever she could.

But she told herself as she glanced over at her father, who was standing beside her, beaming so brightly she almost squinted from the glare, that none of what was happening at the moment mattered. It was a step. That was all. The goal had already been obtained. She had everything she ever wanted in her hands already. This thing that she had to do was nothing more than a formality. It was nothing more than an announcement to all the people that knew her, telling them that she had finally gotten everything she'd ever wanted.

This thing that was happening to her wouldn't affect any of them at all really. People would go on about their lives tomorrow in exactly the same why as they had before this all-important event took place.

That thought seemed silly to her. It seemed like her goal should have more of an effect than that. It should mean more.

She glanced around the sheer curtains and was very surprised by what she found. There were people there. Many more people than when she'd left only half an hour before. She recognized some of them, Rick's poker-writer friends, one of her aunts and an uncle, a couple of cousins. She had no idea how he'd managed to get them all there with such short notice.

They were friends, family members, co-workers that were going through the same thing she had gone through, most of them struggling just as she had to reach the same goal.

She wanted to shout at them. She wanted to tell them that this was more than just her goal. This was more than just important to her. It meant something to each of them as well.

She wanted to tell them not to give up. She wanted each of them to know that if she could do this, if she could win this game, there was hope for all of them as well. She had to be the most screwed up person in the room, and yet here she was.

Her eyes roamed over the faces that were waiting impatiently for her arrival. She was steadfastly avoiding looking towards the railing of the balcony. She knew that. Something inside her said that if she did, if she found him standing there, looking towards the door where he knew she would enter any minute, strong and handsome in his tuxedo, smiling with the biggest, silliest grin she could imagine, she would never be able to make it through the next few minutes.

He was her goal and her reward for reaching him was that she got to spend the rest of her life with him by her side. Her reward was that she would never have to suffer through another lonely night. She would never have to live through hours spent wondering if there was another soul on Earth that loved her. She would never be alone again.

But it was more than all that, not that all that wasn't plenty enough of a reward. They were. Each and every reason was more than enough of a reward to go through all the hell she'd gone through in her search for him and more. But she apparently got the bonus package. She didn't just get to spend her life with someone, she got to spend it with him. The sexiest, smartest, funniest, most perfect man her imagination could ever dream up. In fact he was better than anything she had ever conjured up in her fantasies. He was everything she ever wanted and all the things she needed. She almost felt as if somehow she dreamed him up, created him in her mind and somehow through some crazy magic spell, brought him to life.

But as she let her eyes find his mother and daughter, sitting in the front row, eyes resting on the man in question, she knew that couldn't be true. He hadn't just materialized. He was real and they were the proof of that.

Yet still, there was something in the back of her mind that continued to scream at her that all this wasn't possible. Things like this didn't happen to her. She had the worst luck of any human that had ever lived. There was no way all that could have changed, seemingly overnight.

But it hadn't happened overnight. The journey that brought her to this exact moment in time had been a long, heart-wrenching one at times. It certainly had never been easy.

"Are you ready, Katie?" her father asked as he leaned in close to her and kissed her cheek.

She wanted to tell him that, of course she was ready. She wanted to say that she had never been more ready for anything in her life. She wanted to take his hand and let the door slide open.

But something stopped her. She couldn't seem to make her mouth open or her tongue move. Her hand lay at her side, uncooperative and useless.

"Are you alright?" her father asked, searching her face worriedly.

She couldn't answer him and she couldn't move. All she could do was stand there. And the music was getting louder and the people were bustling, turning in their chairs in anticipation.

The bodice of her dress seem to tighten suddenly, forcing all the air out of her lungs and making her head swim from the lack of oxygen. The tightness of the twist that held her hair seemed to intensify and it was causing her temples to pound so loudly it almost drowned out the music. She could feel the sweat forming on her palms and the goosebumps that broke out over inch of her exposed skin.

What the hell was wrong with her ? In ten minutes she could have everything. It was all within her grasp. All she had to do was get through the next ten minutes, utter two little words and kiss the man she loved more than she loved her own life. It sounded so easy.

She finally allowed her eyes to find him, her stalwart hero beaming in his perfectly tailored, custom-made black suit. His shirt was blue, the perfect blue to match the color of his eyes, eyes that shone brightly and sparkled with mirth and anticipation. It was all she needed. Knowing he was their, waiting at the end of her journey was enough to get her body to respond like it was supposed to, once again.

She gave her father a short nod and squeezed his hand. "I'm ready," she told him, quietly.

"Then let's go get you married," he smiled.

The ceremony was a short one. They hadn't bothered with custom vows or long speeches. They knew how they felt about each other. It was necessary to share those feelings with their guests. Everyone there, at least those closest to them, knew exactly what it had taken to make this come to pass.

Her hand was shaking when he slipped the diamond-studded wedding band on her finger. His was too, when she did the same with his platinum band with the single diamond in the center.

Her voice was strained when she said the things she was supposed to say, promised the things she was told to promise. She wasn't sure she'd be able to get through the speech without choking, but one look in his eyes steeled her, reenforced her enough to make it okay.

He did that for her, whether he knew it or not. He made her strong. Knowing he was there made it possible for her to be the woman everyone knew her to be. Strong, capable, independent. She wasn't sure whether or not the outside world knew how very much that independence was not that at all. It seemed that way only on the surface, without him, she'd never get by. Somehow, over the last few years, they had become a packaged deal, joined together by fate, or destiny and now, as he leaned in and kissed her, by law.


	9. Love in an elevator

One of these days he was going to find a way to tell her exactly what having her in his life meant to him. He hoped it was soon. Everyday as she left for work, he wondered if he'd have another chance to let her know. The idea that one day she might not come back drove him insane. He couldn't imagine his life without Kate now. He'd never survive losing her.

He reached his hand down and let it come to rest on top of Baxter, the dog's, head. Giving him a scratch behind his black spotted ears, he couldn't help but smile. Baxter in turn, snaked his pink tongue out and licked his hand. He was a good dog. A little hyper at times, but a good dog all the same. Much like his owner, some would say.

He shut down the office program he'd been using to type out the words that would make up his newest novel. He couldn't seem to concentrate on work all of a sudden. Something was bothering him and he had no idea what it might be.

It wasn't a case. They hadn't worked a case together since the beginning of Kate's pregnancy almost nine months before. Maybe that was it. Maybe it was the thought of his quickly approaching fatherhood that had him out of sorts.

He laughed at the very idea of that. He couldn't be more excited about the prospect of becoming a father for the second time. He could tell that Kate was worried, but she tried to hide it and when that didn't work, he tried to reassure her. She was going to be a great mother. He knew it. There wasn't a doubt in his mind about that.

He also knew, though she tried to hide it, too, how incredibly uncomfortable she had become. The middle of July, during the hottest summer on record for the city in years, was not the perfect time to add twenty-five pounds to one's middle section. She was miserable. He could see it all over her face. And he did everything in his power to make sure that she didn't suffer more than necessary.

The party that would commence in just a few hours, was not his idea. He wasn't sure she was up for a party, right now. But the guys at the station had insisted. Today was her last day before starting her maternity leave and they wanted to send her off on a good note. They wanted to make very sure that she knew how much she would be missed. He could appreciate that.

And because Kate would no longer be going to the station, neither would he. Ryan and Esposito had both offered to let him shadow them instead of Kate while she was away, but he'd turned them down flat. For him the station wasn't the station without Kate's smile and reassuring presence. Besides, there was no way she would ever be okay with him going to work and leaving her sitting at home. The three months that she would be gone would be torture for her. Her job was her life, or had been before he'd come along. And while she'd most certainly be preoccupied with more pressing matters for the next three months, she would also miss being a cop. It defined her. It was what and who she was. Now she would also be a wife and a mother.

She'd managed to slip into the role of wife pleasingly well. Although, truth be told, she'd been playing the role for far longer than the eight months they'd officially been married. Still, she shined at it. She was everything he'd always wanted. A partner in every aspect and definition of the word. Everything about her complimented and accented everything about him. And he was pretty sure he did the same for her. He'd never been more happy in his life.

He wondered if that should worry him. He wondered how long his perfect life could be maintained. Almost like he was waiting around for the rug to be jerked out from under him, or the other shoe to drop on his happy world.

But life had taught him better than to dwell on the possibilities and what-if's.

His phone chirped it's gleeful little melody letting him know exactly who was calling. He jumped for it, snatching it from where it sat beside his keyboard and hastily putting it to his ear.

"Sweetheart, where are you?" he asked, joyously.

"I just got off the plane. I should be home soon. I just wanted to let you know that I was on the ground. I know how much you worry when I fly," Alexis answered.

"Was it a good trip? Did you have to deal with people that talked too much or crying babies?"

His heart flipped when her laughter came through the phone. "Nope, I slept most of the way, actually. And thank you again for the first-class ticket. Might have been a different story if I'd been in coach."

"Couldn't have my favorite daughter hanging with the riff-raft," he replied. "Have you found my other present yet?"

"Other present?" she asked, dubiously.

"You should see it pretty soon. Look around," he instructed.

There was a brief pause while she did as she was told. He imagined her blue eyes scanning the crowd looking for anything out of place. Then she laughed again. "You sent Detective Ryan to get me. He's standing here in a black suit holding a sign with my name on it."

"That's the present. Hope you like it. I didn't want you to have to take a cab and you said I shouldn't come meet you, you didn't say I couldn't send someone else."

He glanced up suddenly as the door to his office began to open slowly. A moment later Kate's beautiful face appeared around it. He smiled and waved her in.

"Alexis," he mumbled at her when she entered and came to take a seat on his lap. He tried to ignore how much heavier she had become recently.

"Hello, Alexis," Kate chimed out towards the phone.  
>"Hi, Kate. I should be home pretty soon. I can't wait to see you all," his daughter said before saying goodbye and hanging up.<p>

Kate relaxed into his arms the minute he sat the phone aside. "Shouldn't you be getting dressed? We have a party to get to in a few hours," she reminded him as she nuzzled his neck.

He rested his hand against the side of her extended belly and smiled up at her. "I don't need two hours to get dressed for a party. How was your last day?"

"Uneventful, I spent most of it finishing off paperwork," she replied. "Have there been anymore of those blackouts?" The loft where they lived had been experiencing an increasing number of blackouts as the long summer lingered on. It was a testament to all the extra power imposed on the frail integrity of the cities overcrowded, overworked electrical grid. They usually only lasted a little while, an hour at most and really were more of an inconvenience than anything else.

"Haven't had one since the one yesterday," he told her. "Maybe they've worked out the problem."

She gave him her doubtful eyes then turned her attention to the ball of fur who was wagging the entire back half of his body to get her to notice him. "Hiya, Bax, have you been a good boy today?"

The dog, who had always been particularly enamored with Kate, licked her hand and began to dance in a circle.

"He's been a perfect dog today. Hasn't chew anything, hasn't destroyed anything, stayed off the furniture. I haven't had to get on to him one time all day." Rick informed her, beaming with pride for his little buddy.

"Wow, maybe you deserve a Scooby Snack," Kate smiled.

Baxter let out a howl to tell her how much he agreed with that notion.

* * *

><p>She hadn't really noticed anything out the ordinary until a few minutes before she left the station for the last time before her leave and then she'd been too emotional to really pay it much attention. On the way home, she'd felt it again and this time she'd written it off as her lower back giving off little spasms as a result of her newly acquired extra weight. She'd put it out of her head as she waddled her way inside the building and into the elevator. Though they had been fairly frequent and regularly spaced, all that had somehow escaped her notice. She hadn't been thinking about labor at the time. It was back hurting, after all, not her front.<p>

Now as she stood in front of the antique mirror in the corner of the bedroom, looking at herself in dismay, it was happening again and this time it was much more forceful about letting it's presence be known.

She moved her hand to her back, trying to sooth the muscles and Rick was immediately behind her resting his hand over hers. "What is it?" he asked, concerned. He was always concerned lately. He was down-right jumpy, in fact, when it came to her. She couldn't let out a sigh without him demanding to know it's cause and trying to fix it by any means necessary.

"It's nothing," she assured him.  
>"What's nothing?" he pressed.<p>

"Just a few little muscle spasms. It's fine."

He turned her towards him and eyed her critically. "How bad does it hurt?"

"Well, earlier it was just a little nuisance. But they do seem to be getting worse. I'm sure it's just because I've been sitting in my extremely uncomfortable chair at work all day. It's fine. Would you stop mothering me?" She was smiling as she said it. Really, though she thought she might be annoyed by his over-protectiveness, she was becoming rather accustomed to it. Now it just amused her instead of annoying her.

The concern didn't leave his face like she was expecting it to. "How long have these little twinges been going on?"

She glanced at her watch. "A few hours, it started right before I left work."

"They haven't stopped and they've increased intensity?"

She laughed out loud. "What are you, a doctor?"

Again, he didn't falter. "Have they?"

She thought about it for a half a second before nodding her head. "I guess so, yeah."

Then another one hit, this one violent enough to nearly double her over and she landed in arms. It felt like her spine was twisting in half and it seemed to last for eternity.

"Okay," he said in that calm, precise voice he used when he felt like it was time to take over a situation. "You are going to very calmly, very slowly go push the button for the elevator. I'm going to get your bag from the hall closet and meet you there."

"Don't be silly, Rick." she said straightening. "I'm not in labor. It's my back and we have two weeks before the baby's due. Dr. Feldman said everything was going right on schedule when I saw him yesterday."

The words were barely out of her mouth when another spasm hit her and she again fell into his arms.

He just nodded knowingly when she finally managed to stand upright again. Then he glanced at his watch over her shoulder. "Okay, that's five minutes apart and they're lasting about a minute."

"What?" she demanded, suddenly believing that he might be right.

"The contractions. They're five minutes apart. And they last about a minute," he answered, as he began to usher her towards the door. He glanced at his watch again. "Don't believe me?"

As he watched her, the pain started again. When it subsided, she looked back at him and he just nodded. "Five minute, about a minute long. Time to go. Past time, actually. So maybe we could stop arguing and make our way towards the door."

She did stop arguing as she tried to catch her breath. The last one had really taken something out of her and for her, that was saying something. He moved them to the bedroom door and they were halfway down the hall when the next one hit.

She thought, as she was buckled over in his arms that she heard another voice, this one full of concern just like his, but she couldn't hold on to the sound over the intensity of the pain.

Again, when it passed, she looked up to find Alexis waiting at the front door with her bag in her hands and smiling at her reassuringly. "Hey, Sweetie," Kate mustered a smile for her step-daughter. "I'm glad you made it okay."

"Looks like I'm just in time, too," she beamed her a hundred-watt smile.

She spied the chair that sat in the foyer and stopped to rest her hand on its back for a second. She needed to pause suddenly. Her breath was coming in pants and it was making her head feel light.

"Why are we stopping?" Rick asked as he tried to tug her along.

"I just need a minute," she told him.

His forehead suddenly became even more wrinkled and his eyes widened before narrowing. "Kate, we need to go," he said, patiently, yet very insistently. "Your water just broke."

* * *

><p>Leave it to her to ignore the signs until it was almost too late. Her contractions were coming closer and closer together now. Far closer than they should be in such a short amount of time. It seemed like they'd just started this conversation and now, they were coming every two minutes and still lasting for a minute each.<p>

Alexis had already called Dr. Feldman who was meeting them at the hospital and she'd called an ambulance because Rick really didn't think they had time to make it themselves. He really didn't want his son to be born in the back of a cab. Taking the Ferrari had occurred to him, but he'd dismissed the idea when another contraction hit her and she'd nearly squeezed his hand off as a result. He couldn't comfort her and drive and it was a two-seater, so Alexis couldn't take the wheel for him. It would have to be the ambulance.

Right now, he was just trying to get her to the elevator so they could meet the ambulance downstairs.

"Dad!" Alexis called from the kitchen where she'd been frantically making all the important phone calls.

He glanced up at her as she entered the room. Then stepped away from his wife for just a moment as his daughter beckoned him to her.

"The ambulance will be twenty minutes getting here they said," she informed him in a hushed whisper made directly into his ear to keep Kate from overhearing.

"Fuck!" he muttered just as quietly and received a harsh look from Alexis as a result. "I guess it's going to be a cab. I don't think we have time to wait twenty minutes. Not when it's going to take twenty minutes to get here, then fifteen to the hospital. I don't think we have that long."

"What are you two whispering about over there?" Kate wanted to know.  
>He went back to her and started to help her up from her resting place on the arm of the chair in the foyer. "We're going to go downstairs and get a cab to take us to the hospital," he said, calmly.<p>

"A cab? Where is the ambulance?" She started to say something else but another jolt of pain stole the words before they had a chance to escape.  
>"The ambulance is going to be a little longer than I want it to take. So we are going on our own. It's fine," he assured her. "It's going to be fine."<p>

She eyed him doubtfully, but dutifully got to her feet at the same time. They were at the door when she stopped suddenly.

"What is it? Another contraction?" he asked.

"My mother's ring," she answered, as her hand went to her throat to check for the piece of jewelry she always wore. "I took it off when I showered earlier." Her face grew desperate suddenly. "Please, Rick, I don't want to do this without it."

Castle turned to his daughter who was still standing right behind them. "Get her necklace and meet us downstairs with it."

Alexis nodded and took off down the hall.

They had to stop once in the hall on the way to the elevator and again while waiting for it to arrive on their floor. Every contraction seemed to be coming quicker and increasing in intensity. His worry increased subsequently with each one.

It was all happening too fast. It wasn't suppose to happen like this. Alexis' mother had been in labor for several hours before she was born. The wait had nearly killed him.

Ushering her into the elevator, he helped her prop herself in the corner while he pushed the button for the lobby.

When he turned back, he found her in the middle of yet another contraction. One minute apart now and they seemed to last forever. It really was happening entirely too fast.

She saw the worry written all over his face. It was the last thing she saw before the lights in the elevator went out and they abruptly stopped moving.

"What the hell?" she shouted at him.

"Oh no!" he muttered, knowing exactly what had happened.

A blackout. A blackout at the worst possible time.

"It's going to be okay, Katie. I think it's another blackout." Again he tried to keep his voice calm and even but she wasn't buying it. That was apparent from the way she latched onto his arm and began to squeeze.

"How is this okay?" she hissed through clenched teeth.

"Alexis has probably already called someone. Help is on the way," he assured her.

"Rick," She grabbed him and pulled him in close. "I really feel like I need to push."

He physically felt himself pale as all the blood drained from his face. "Well, don't."

"Wow, next you're going to tell me to cross my legs," she mumbled.

"If you think that might help," he replied and received a swift slap on the shoulder in exchange.

He let her go and moved to the emergency box right under the button panel on the elevator. Inside he found a phone that didn't work and two flashlights that did.

Her bag was still resting over his shoulder. He handed her one of the flashlights before reaching into the bag and extracting a pile of clothing.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked in a voice laced with pain.

He spread out the garments on the floor of the elevator as quickly as he could.

She eyed them for a moment as she spanned the flashlight over the makeshift bed. Then she sputtered. "I am NOT having this baby in this elevator!"

She had barely finished the sentence when another jab of pain had her writhing in Rick's arms and he gently lowered her onto the pile of clothes. "I think you might be wrong, Sweetheart."

* * *

><p>She had never been more exhausted in her life and the relief that flooded through her the moment the elevator lights blinked back on caused a rush of tears to spring to her eyes.<p>

She had long since lost all track of time so she had no way of judging how long they had been stuck between floor in the lifeless box that was now moving them smoothly towards the ground floor of their building.

It was, of course, far too late for anyone to do them any good and she shifted and pulled the bundle of clothes that held Royce Jameson Castle a little tighter into her chest.

Rick had his arms around both of them and looked as exhausted as she felt.

She took a moment to stare at him with wide-eyed wonder. He had been fantastic.

As soon as the doors swished open, they were met with a hailstorm of EMT workers, family and friends. Apparently, Alexis had called everyone they knew. And now she was front and center in the crowd on well-wishers and on-lookers.

One of the ambulance workers were trying to take the baby from her arms and she let him reluctantly, but her eyes never left the baby. Another EMT was working on getting her onto a stretcher.

Once she was settled, she immediately began to seek the baby out again. She found him a moment later, just as the man that took him was handing him off to his dumbstruck father.

"Kate," someone called to her. "Here's your necklace."

Alexis handed her the ring on a chain and she quickly put it around her neck. Now everything was right in her world. She laid back on the stretcher, bonelessly and more tired than she'd ever been in her life, and let the people around her do their job.

"They said he's perfect," Rick informed her once they were loaded into the back of the ambulance and heading towards the hospital.

"Of course he is. Look at his father," she smiled as she looked down at the baby in her arms.

Rick leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her temple as he smiled down at the sleeping newborn as well. "No, no, I think he has his mother to blame."


End file.
